There was a time when Drew Arellano thought being strong meant handling everything on his own.

Five children later, he knows better.

These days, strength at home means knowing when to step back and let his wife, Iya Villania, take over.

“I used to think being strong meant doing everything myself. Now I know it means tapping out when I need to and letting Iya take over without my ego getting in the way,” Drew says.

Iya says becoming parents changed the way they work as a couple.

“Being strong used to be about being able to successfully take on a whole load not just physically, but also emotionally and mentally. But as a couple raising children, we’ve found greater strength in putting our egos aside — work together and complement each other by stepping in when the other isn’t at their best.”

With five children at home, there is little room for keeping score. If one parent is overwhelmed, the other steps in. That, they say, is simply how their family works.

Making time for each other

Their days usually begin before the children wake up.

Whether it is a quick workout or a quiet cup of coffee, Drew and Iya try to steal a few moments together before the house gets busy.

“It means recognizing when we’re lacking in an area and actually doing something about it — could be sleep, eating, or just making sure Drew and I are in sync.”

Having five children has also made conversations about money and the future a regular part of married life.

Drew admits those talks are not exactly romantic, but they are necessary.

“With five kids, ‘we’ll figure it out’ stopped being a plan a long time ago — it became a math problem. It means actually sitting down and talking about savings, insurance, and what happens to the kids’ education and our family’s stability if something unexpected happens to either of us. Not the sexiest date-night conversation, but a necessary one.”

Preparing for the future is another way of caring for their family, said Iya.

“Intentional planning is really an act of care and love. And once you start building a family, everything you work for automatically has more meaning and value, and protecting that means being wise with our current income and savings, and doing our best to set ourselves up for the future.”

She also hopes more women take part in conversations about family finances.

“I want more women to sit at the table for these conversations — to understand our family’s finances, to have a say in our protection plans, to know exactly where things stand. It’s not about distrust, it’s about ownership. Our security is a shared responsibility, and we should feel just as empowered to lead those conversations as anyone else in the family.”

Being a good father is not about making grand gestures for Drew.

“Real strength isn’t about being the toughest guy in the room... It’s about being the most prepared one. The best thing I can do for my family isn’t a grand gesture — it’s the unglamorous work of putting protection in place, having the hard money conversations early, and then actually showing up, fully, for the everyday chaos once that’s done.”