Pulong is not a traitor

If the Coast Guard loses a finger, apparently they’re not supposed to say who rammed into it. That’s above the pay grade. That’s foreign policy.

Have we tried minding our own business while China minds ours?

You see, tension is bad. So here’s the solution: China sails in, we sail out. Look at that. No confrontation. Peace. People say, “Pulong is pro-China.” Whoa, whoa, where’s the evidence?

Maybe he simply believes that whenever China pushes, the patriotic thing for Filipinos to do is stop resisting.

That’s all. Very local policy. Made in Davao. Approved in Beijing. Pure coincidence. These things happen.

People also say China must be paying him. Absolutely no proof. Zero. Maybe Beijing doesn’t have to pay him. Imagine buying something you’re already getting for free. That’s bad business. China didn’t become China by overspending.

China wants Tarriela quieter. Pulong wants Tarriela quieter. China says, “Stop embarrassing us.” Pulong says, “Stop demonizing China.” China says, “Calm down.” Pulong says, “Statecraft.”

Does that prove anything? No. Very unlucky pattern. Amazing coincidence. Pulong has lots of advice for Filipinos, very little advice for China. China never seems to run out of things to do; the Dutertes never seem to run out of reasons not to react.

Again, not proof. Maybe China is just naturally well-behaved. It needs less parenting.

People thought China calling us monkeys was an insult. Maybe we’re looking at it all wrong.

Perhaps it was a compliment. Monkeys are energetic. Athletic. Very good at climbing trees. Ask if next week we can be pandas. Even better. Tourism. Panda capital of China. Diplomacy. Everybody wins.

Soon we’ll have perfect harmony. Only one side keeps compromising. Not treason. Hospitality. They’re in our waters.

China should thank Pulong. Not publicly. Too embarrassing. Maybe just a Christmas card. “No gift necessary. You’ve already done enough.”

And if we’re lucky, one day they won’t call us animals anymore. They’ll call us “cooperative.” Progress.

Remember Rodrigo?

He said we needed an independent foreign policy. So we moved away from America and closer to Beijing. That’s independence. It’s like quitting beer because it’s unhealthy and switching to vodka. Very independent liver. Very sovereign.

By the way, what’s with Rodrigo touching his chin? Everybody goes, “He sees something.”

Maybe he sees nothing. Maybe he is a moron. We never considered that. Nobody scratches their elbow and gets called a strategic genius. But one hand on Rodrigo’s chin and suddenly everybody’s afraid to interrupt the genius: “If we resist China, there will be a massacre.”

Boom.

Nobody asked him to invade Beijing. Nobody asked for tanks rolling through Shanghai. Or for paratroopers over Tiananmen.

The question was whether the Philippines could defend its waters without acting as though every Coast Guard patrol were World War III.

That’s the trick. Take a normal question, replace it with the apocalypse, then congratulate yourself for preventing the apocalypse.

Brilliant. People love Rodrigo because he’s a maverick. Maverick used to mean somebodywho saw what nobody else saw. Now it means somebody who ignored what everybody else saw.

That’s different. Everybody takes the bridge. Duterte: “I prefer the river,” as though he thinks the bridge is a lack of imagination. And every time Duterte zigged while everyone else zagged, people assumed there was hidden genius there.

Maybe there was. It could be the zig was just a zig. People confuse unpredictable with impossible to outsmart, when unpredictable can also mean nobody knows what you’re about to do, including you.