‘Sorry, Self, napabayaan kita’: Xander Ford opens up in heartfelt apology to himself

In a moment of vulnerability, social media personality Marlou Arizala — better known to many as Xander Ford — shared a deeply emotional message addressed not to fans or critics, but to himself.

“Kung meron mang isang bagay sa mundo o kung may gusto man akong sabihin sa sarili ko, gusto kong sabihin na sorry self, napabayaan kita (If there is one thing I would like to tell myself in this world, I want to say sorry, Self, I neglected you),” said Xander, his voice trembling, in a video posted on Saturday, 17 May. With tears in his eyes, he bared the emotional weight of the choices he’s made over the years.

The former Hashtag member, who rose to online notoriety after a dramatic physical transformation and rebranding as Xander Ford, admitted to having lost his way. In the video, he reflected on how fame, pressure, and the desire to please others steered him away from his true self.

“Pinili ko yung sarili ko, pinili ko yung gusto ng ibang tao (I chose myself, I chose what others wanted),” he confessed, referring to the decisions he made to fit in and gain approval at the expense of his inner peace and authenticity. He also acknowledged past arrogance and stubbornness — traits he now recognizes as defense mechanisms that masked deeper insecurities.

This self-addressed apology marks a stark contrast to the controversies and criticisms that once clouded his name. It signals a turning point—not just in public image, but in personal healing.

The video has since gone viral, with netizens expressing both support and hope for the internet figure’s journey toward self-acceptance and emotional recovery. For many, it was a reminder that behind viral personas and online headlines are real people — often fighting battles the world doesn’t see.

As Xander Ford takes a step back to reconcile with his past and reconnect with his true self, his message resonates with a universal truth: sometimes, the most important forgiveness we can offer is to ourselves.