Some people name their cars with as much care as they would a newborn child. Others just call it “Kotse” because life is too short for sentimental nonsense. But there’s something deeper behind these names. Does your car’s name say something about who you are — or does it simply reveal how much (or little) effort you put into it?

For many, the default car name is either “Baby” or “Beast.” These names are like the Jen and Junjun of the car world — safe, common, and universally accepted.

If you call your car “Baby,” chances are, you’re the type who talks to it after every long drive, pats the dashboard in appreciation, and apologizes when you hit a pothole. Your car is your loyal companion.

On the other hand, those who name their car “Beast” like to believe their ride is intimidating and powerful, even if it’s just a 10-year-old sedan that struggles up steep parking ramps. Confidence can take you places even if your engine barely can.

Some people love naming their cars after famous personalities. A sleek black sedan? “Bruce Wayne.” A red sports car? “Scarlett” or “Spiderman.” A reliable old-school ride? “Rambo” — because it’s built tough or “Rick Astley” — because it never gives you up and never lets you down.

Naming your car after a celebrity means you like a little drama in your life. You want your car to have a personality, and in some cases, you might even expect it to act like its namesake. If you named it after Vin Diesel, don’t be surprised if it refuses to go below 80 kph on the Skyway.

There are people who name their cars after exes. Is it revenge? (“Marian” left me, but at least my car won’t!”) Or is it sentimental? (“Miguel was unreliable, but at least this car gets me where I need to go.”)

Either way, naming your car after an ex means you’re not entirely over it — or you just enjoy the daily reminder of why you’re better off. If your car suddenly breaks down, though… maybe it’s time to let go.

If you call your car “Mochi,” “Pochi,” “Bunso,” or anything that sounds like you’d also name a dog, chances are, you have a soft spot for your ride. You treat it like a living thing, giving it a personality and possibly talking to it more than you talk to some relatives.

You’re also the type who freaks out over the tiniest scratch, thank your car when it safely gets you home or might even schedule a regular checkup like it’s a doctor’s appointment. Remember, there is a fine line between loving your car and being in a relationship.

Some people refer to their cars like they’re in a telenovela romance.

“Si Patricia, ang ganda!” (Proud, loves their car like a first love.)

“Si Kenneth, hindi ako iniwan sa baha.” (Trust issues, but appreciates loyalty.)

“Si Glen, maselan. Isang lubak lang, may naririnig na akong kakaiba.” (Knows their car too well, borderline paranoid.)

If you’ve given your car a gendered name, you likely see it as more than just a machine. You probably thank it after a safe trip, whisper “Kaya yan” during uphill climbs, and curse its name when it won’t start on a rush-hour morning.

Some people name their car after objects, colors, or completely random things — “Red,” “Rock,” “Tsunami,” “High Five.”

These owners don’t take things too seriously. They’re chill, they don’t overthink problems, and when their check engine light turns on, their first reaction is, “Wala yan, tumatakbo pa naman eh.”

Their motto: Bahala na si Batman.

And then, there are those who don’t name their cars at all.

If you ask them, “Anong pangalan ng kotse mo?” they’ll stare at you and reply, “Ha? Kailangan ba?”

These are the no-nonsense drivers. They see cars as functional, nothing more, nothing less. They care about mileage, resale value and maintenance schedules — not what their car would be called in a Fast & Furious movie.

But deep down, even they secretly appreciate their car. They may not give it a name, but the moment it refuses to start, they’ll still give it a frustrated but affectionate pat and whisper, “Pambihira naman o. Umandar ka na, let’s do it.”

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if you call your car “Baby,” “The Beast,” “Edna,” or just “Kotse,” what matters is that it gets you where you need to go.

But if you’ve never named your car before, take a moment. Look at it. Think about what it means to you. Then ask yourself:

“Do I name it after an ex, a celebrity, or do I just call it ‘Kotse’ and move on?”

Because let’s be honest — your car already has a personality. It’s just waiting for you to give it a name. Okay, bye. “Let’s go na, Pong.”