Jason exploded in a violent quarrel with his wife. This was at the end of cumulative daily small quarrels about petty issues for a whole month. He wanted a separation because he could not take it anymore. Because the issues were petty, he could not even pinpoint why they were really quarreling. On the verge of a nervous breakdown, he sought advice from his best friend Ric, who was happily married.

JASON: How do you do it, Ric? What is your secret formula?

RIC: No secret formula. When she’s angry, I keep quiet. When I’m angry, she keeps quiet. It is an unwritten agreement. Logic and reason are not important. Just give yourselves elbow room. One day, she messed up cooking dinner. It was salty and half cooked. I smiled and ate heartily with no complaint. What’s a terrible dinner compared to a terrible quarrel? Elbow room is the key.

JASON: But you had reason to complain.

RIC: A smile is magic. It’s contagious. It melts anger, especially spontaneous unreasonable anger.

JASON: Good move. I should try that.

RIC: As I said, logic or reason are not important. At my office, I observed the secretary of my boss who had to endure daily insults and screams. She would come to my desk in silent tears. I told her if you don’t permit yourself to be hurt, no one can destroy your “armor of serenity.” That’s what I call it, no matter how barbed the insults and loud the screams. In one ear and out the other.

JASON: It takes a powerful will.

RIC: Only in the beginning. Later, smiling and being calm become habits, just like ranting and raving. You lose the reflex to react negatively. The secretary came back to me after two weeks, and this time there were tears of joy. She broke the temper of her boss with a smile. Wow, I said. When he noticed that she smiled instead of looking down or frowning, the boss screamed less. That’s what I call the power of her armor of serenity.

JASON: The boss was a control freak. He enjoyed showing his fangs, which were blunted by smiles.

RIC: Yes, it was a power trip, an ego trip he was not even aware of.

JASON: Buddha said that when a storm brews, just sit until it passes. It is never forever.

RIC: I often sat in a peaceful Buddhist temple when I was in Bangkok, thinking of nothing. Then I noticed that if I induced a blank mind, inspirational ideas emerged.

JASON: I was once a yogi in my youth. The mind is full of thoughts you often cannot get rid of — problems, insecurities, anger, daily petty tasks. The first step in meditation is to remove all thoughts. Let the waves of the pool settle down until it is like a mirror, placid, no waves. It’s hard at first. Only when your mind pool becomes smooth as a mirror will you be aware of your true self, and have inspirational thoughts come naturally without effort. That’s the secret to meditation.

RIC: Also, Jason, when you’re so full of negative thoughts, your soul shuts windows as a reaction, a defense mechanism, and there is just darkness inside you. Sometimes it is good to do physical exercise to distract your soul. Take long walks in the woods. Jog and sweat it out. You will notice the negative thoughts vanish.

Relationships make or break our souls, our lives. Good relationships uplift us, and bad ones consume us. When you hold a grudge, it consumes you. When you forgive, it heals you. Love is the cure-all for all spiritual ailments. Get out of yourself and love, and you will notice wonderful things coming your way.

Temper control.

SMILE.