Sometimes love hurts, literally

Dear Editor,

I read Margarita Gutierrez’s article on the 18-Day Campaign to End Violence Against Women (VAW). And honestly, it hit way too close to home. As someone who’s stood by a best friend who survived domestic abuse, I can’t ignore the lingering scars this has left not just on her but on everyone who loves her.

Her story still breaks my heart. On the surface, her relationship seemed perfect. Her partner’s family adored her, but they had no idea what was happening behind closed doors.

The truth? He made her feel worthless. He manipulated her into believing that everything wrong in their relationship was her fault. Worse, he used her love for him as a weapon — convincing her she wasn’t good enough, wasn’t trying hard enough, and didn’t deserve better.

For years, she didn’t say a word, not to anyone. Why? Because she thought that staying with him meant proving her love. Because she feared no one would believe her. And because, deep down, she’d been convinced that this was the best she could get. When she finally opened up to me, it wasn’t with relief but with shame. Let that sink in. A woman who gave her whole heart still blamed herself for being mistreated.

This is why campaigns like the 18-Day Campaign to End VAW matter so much. Survivors don’t just need legal protection; they need validation. They need a society that tells them, “You deserve better. It isn’t your fault.” And they need systems that will help them rebuild their lives, free from fear and self-doubt.

I applaud the campaign’s theme, “VAW Bigyang Wakas, Ngayon na ang Oras!” because it truly is time. Time to stop normalizing silence. Time to dismantle the toxic narratives that trap women in cycles of abuse. Time to hold abusers accountable, no excuses.

One thing Gutierrez’s article emphasized is the role of Barangay VAW Desks. This is huge. For my best friend, having a safe space to report what she was going through could have been life-changing.

But here’s the thing: These spaces need to be more than just desks or checklists. They need to be staffed by people who genuinely care and understand the emotional toll abuse takes. A survivor’s first attempt to seek help shouldn’t be met with skepticism or insensitivity.

If you’re reading this and you’re in a similar situation, know this: You’re not alone, and it’s not your fault. The courage to leave doesn’t come overnight, but there are people and organizations ready to help you take that first step. And to everyone else? Let’s be better. Listen without judgment, offer help without strings, and hold abusers accountable.

This isn’t just a women’s issue; it’s a human issue. And if we all step up — whether by educating ourselves, volunteering, or simply calling out toxic behavior when we see it — we can actually make a difference. Ending VAW is a long road, no doubt about it. But every little step counts. For my best friend, to a family member or even the stranger sitting next to you — we owe it to them to keep walking.

Mikaela Benitez

surreptitiousaffair13@gmail.com