Why the math is ‘mathing’ — and other things

“The math is mathing.” The first time I saw these words was on a meme that two-time Carlos Palanca Award — winning playwright Eric

Cabahug posted on his Facebook page.

It showed a photo comparing the rounded-up figure of Senator Francis Joseph Escudero’s Statement of Assets, Liabilities and Net Worth (SALN) to a photo of a Paraiba tourmaline ring — the senator’s gift to his wife, Love Marie Ongpauco-Escudero.

After Cabahug’s post, three different versions of the meme landed in my Messenger and Viber accounts.

Thus, I cannot help but wonder — knowing full well that I am no arithmetic genius — what exactly is the universe trying to tell me?

Let’s do the math

The difference is clear. The disparity is crystal. The SALN declaration becomes both a mystery and a mastery of numbers — especially when it comes to saving one’s finances so that, when the time comes, one can purchase the desire of one’s inamorata to please her and make her oh-so-very happy.

Questions: What year did Senator Escudero give the P50-million-plus ring? Was his income at the time of that birthday surprise the same as his current salary? Were there other fund sources declared in the SALN — such as businesses or properties — that could have grown enough to justify such a purchase? Was the financial climate during the time of the gift a particularly robust season for the senator? And with his self-branding as the “poorest man” in the Senate, can we expect him to explain this glaring difference? I doubt it.

Also, that the Escuderos allegedly own a super high-end property in a billionaires’ village — even if most of us are not experts in mathematics — the jewelry (which is not mere allegation) and this latest lifestyle bombshell simply don’t add up. The P18-million-plus SALN cannot possibly justify such excesses and extravagance.

As a final question in this math lesson: Is it true that Heart Evangelista is currently out of the country because she cannot stand the political heat and mudslinging? Is she cooling off in the fashion capital of the world — and has she truly become a French national?

The math is mathing indeed, as the plot thickens.

Felix Petate vs. Diorella Maria Sotto-Antonio

In the Netherlands, Rob Jetten, the 38-year-old leader of the D66 Centrist Party, has become the youngest and first openly gay prime minister of the country — where former Philippine president Rodrigo Duterte is in jail awaiting trial.

Meanwhile, in the Philippines, Felix Petate — popularly known as content creator and former calendar girl Sassa Gurl — has been summoned for a meeting with the Movie and Television Review and Classification Board (MTRCB). The agenda? The MTRCB did not appreciate the profanities Sassa hurled at them after her film Dream Boi received an X rating from the board—not once, but twice.

The last time I checked, the mandate of the MTRCB is to review and classify films and television programs in the Philippines to ensure they align with Filipino cultural values and public morals, and that they are suitable for public viewing.

With this meeting, however, they have reduced themselves to guidance counselors armed with lessons on good morals and right conduct. What an upgrade, indeed.

For six years under the Duterte administration, this same office turned a blind eye — and a deaf ear — every time he hurled invectives, mocked women, and even cursed the Holy Father. Yet now, when they have become the subject of Sassa’s wrath, they suddenly grow thin-skinned and demand a meeting “to clarify and discuss things?”

Being “morality guardians” and champions of what you believe is suitable for audiences — especially those of voting and marrying age — is not part of your mandate.

Summoning Petate and her producers shows that you are asserting your responsibilities to an all-time overacting level. This is bullying disguised as “dialogue.” The gall and temerity of the current board — and its leadership — surpass all its predecessors.

In this Sassa Gurl versus MTRCB issue, the solution is simple: abolish the board. It no longer fulfills its mandate and has reduced itself to clout-chasing antics to stay relevant. We have wasted enough taxpayers’ money on this obsolete body under the Office of the President.

50 million plus

The most vilified movie of the moment, Jerrold Tarog’s satire Quezon, reportedly earned P50 million during its five-day cinema run.

It’s still showing in theaters, and by the time this column sees print, its earnings may have doubled.

All the noise from those who supposedly “knew better” did not matter. For the majority, Quezon was worth their time and hard-earned pesos. All the online chatter and vitriol only fueled public curiosity — and if we do the math, that P50-million-plus gross is, indeed, a massive vindication.