Mission: Implausible

Almost a year after the fact, Vice President Sara Duterte has finally offered an explanation for how she spent the P112.5 million in confidential funds she controlled as DepEd Secretary in 2023. Her claim? The money went to “investigate corruption” in her department.

Let’s start with the delay. This issue has been festering since last year’s House hearings on the alleged misuse of DepEd funds. Back then, the Vice President stonewalled at every turn, refusing to say anything about where the money went or who got it. The only thing the public learned was that large sum supposedly went to individuals with names so cartoonish they sounded made up: “Amoy Liu,” “Joug de Asim” and “Fernan Amuy.”

The internet quickly dubbed them “Team Amoy Asim,” and the whole affair reeked of absurdity. Now, almost a year later, we get this sudden “explanation.” That’s not just late; that’s “the dog ate my homework that was due last year” levels of late.

And even if we suspend our disbelief for a moment and accept the excuse, it still doesn’t add up. We’re talking about P112.5 million for what she now claims were “investigations.” What kind of investigations, exactly? Because corruption in DepEd doesn’t require a covert spy operation or Tom Cruise dangling from the ceiling. It’s mostly about comparing prices and checking receipts. Laptop procurement, inflated contracts, ghost deliveries; this is audit work, not espionage. No need for safehouses, code names, or self-destructing messages. And this certainly won’t cost more than a hundred million pesos of our money.

Then there’s the biggest hole of all: where are the results? If her office really spent more than a hundred million pesos rooting out corruption, where’s the evidence? Who was caught? Who was charged? Because we’ve actually seen findings, but from CoA and the Ombudsman, not from her supposed “investigators.” Those official bodies submitted reports to Congress months ago.

Did the Vice President really spend over a hundred million pesos just to recheck what’s already been checked? Or was “investigating corruption” just the most convenient excuse she could come up with a year later?

And now, conveniently timed to ride the current wave of outrage over corruption, she reemerges with this half-baked claim, hoping people are too distracted to notice how little sense it makes. It’s a move so transparent it’s practically see-through.

At this point, the Vice President’s explanation isn’t just unconvincing — it’s insulting. The public has been demanding answers for nearly a year, and this is what we get? A vague spy story with no receipts, no suspects, and no results, but with a P112.5-million price tag? If this was really “Mission: Investigate Corruption,” then it’s the first mission in history where millions were spent, but nothing and no one got exposed — except maybe for the excuse, how ridiculous it is.

So yes, Madam Vice President, we get it. The dog ate your homework. But after 12 months and P112.5 million, that dog must be really, really full.