Imagine handing billions in contracts to a guy named Curlee. What kind of name is Curlee? Corruption this big, and the mastermind is called Curlee?

Honestly it almost feels wrong to put Curlee in jail. Maybe he’ll share a cell with Sponge Bob. Doesn’t even sound scary.

“Who’s your bully?”

“Curlee.”

You know you’ll be OK.

And Sarah; Michael V does impersonations, but people say Sarah here is doing the biggest impersonation of all: pretending to be honest. Not working, Bits, not working.

If your country is truly being “looted” by a man named Curlee and Michael V, maybe you deserve another colonizer.

“No, Mr. Clean is what we deserve.”

Vico Sotto. If you’re young, “honest” and not related to a dictator, they think something is wrong with you. Does he have a disability? Is he gay? You open his laptop, there’s no porn. That’s not normal people.

That’s confusing in this country. The way you might mistake him for a regular government employee.

Do you see his ID around the neck? Walks into City Hall like he works there. Like a man who thinks being mayor is a job. Meanwhile, your chairman is stopped at a checkpoint and “hindi mo ba ako kilala?!”

People lose their minds, and act like Vico is running the country tomorrow.

In the elections, the Discayas were trying to discredit Vico. All those slick moves. Now it’s got to feel amazing for Vico, like watching a mosquito that bit you get mugged.

Vico knows this. Leans hard on “clean” because it’s the cheapest currency in a dirty country. It allows you to float above mud fights while still getting credit when others are bloodied.

History is littered with “Mr. Clean” leaders who ended up weak: Cory Aquino’s moral halo couldn’t tame coups, Noynoy’s integrity didn’t stop Mamasapano. Clean reputations rot if not matched with spine.

A “neat” leader makes citizens lazy. People stop asking, “What can he do?”

Even when the state acts like Vico exposing the Discayas’ corruption and accidentally setting off widespread investigations, others still dash to do what laws cannot immediately contain: mobs, vigilantes, self-styled “woke” protesters. Clean hands at the top, dirty hands on the streets.

We saw it recently when protesters stormed the gates of the Discaya compound in Pasig.

Peaceful assembly is guaranteed in this country. But smearing gates with mud? Spray-painting words? Criminal mischief. Batas Pambansa 880 violation if part of an unlawful assembly. Defamation. Civil liability for damages.

These are crimes, evidence in flagrante Vico was supposed to act on. And what did the “walang sini-sino mayor” do instead of choosing to enforce law and order in his city? He virtue-signaled again: “Let’s not resort to violence...”

It’s like saying: “Be good, but go on, burn my enemies.” Do we honor virtue in words alone or demand it in deeds?

It’s the oldest trick in politics: when you can’t solve it, moralize. People forgive potholes and weak enforcement if you’re tidy. It’s a get-out-of-jail-free card for mediocrity.

Next President? The danger isn’t that Vico is corrupt. The danger is that he’s not, and that’s all he is.