Here we go again — another day, another President giving the marching orders to “clean up” the Philippine National Police (PNP), as if this is a bold, new idea and not something we hear more often than a teleserye rerun.

This time, President Ferdinand “Bongbong” Marcos Jr. has passed the mop to new PNP Chief Nicolas Torre III and told him to scrub away corruption, misconduct, and all those pesky things that make people side-eye every cop patrolling the barangay.

The goal? Restore public trust, of course! Because apparently, that elusive thing still exists somewhere between a unicorn sighting and the return of MRT trains that don’t break down.

Let’s pause for a second here. Isn’t this what the police are supposed to be doing anyway? Do we really need a presidential pep talk just to remind cops that their job description doesn’t include running protection rackets, cozying up to cybercriminals, or — heaven forbid — moonlighting as part-time kidnappers?

It’s like congratulating a lifeguard for not drowning people. If Torre’s big task is to “restore” public trust, then it admits what every street vendor and jeepney driver already knows: trust has long packed its bags and fled to another country with better policing.

Now, Torre III is no newbie. He’s been in the headlines, especially with that brief dramatic event at Villamor where he personally made sure that former President Rodrigo Duterte got to board the plane that would take him to The Hague for the International Criminal Court to try for alleged crimes against humanity.

He also was the one in charge of the arrest of Pastor Apollo Quiboloy, Duterte’s friend, who was wanted on various charges. In both instances, Torre was vilified and bashed by irate netizens and Duterte and Quiboloy supporters.

And now he’s back, not just with a vengeance but with a full cleaning checklist, courtesy of Malacañang. Marcos Jr. wants discipline, professionalism, integrity — basically everything the PNP’s PR posters already claim they stand for.

But let’s not forget the real kicker: the PNP hasn’t exactly been behaving like your friendly neighborhood peacekeeper. We’re talking about a police force recently linked to transnational crimes — yes, international, like they’re trying to get frequent flyer miles in crime. Throw in cyberthreats, extremist links, and the occasional “palit ulo” scheme, and suddenly cleaning up the PNP isn’t just about discipline — it’s a full-blown exorcism.

The irony is so thick you could cut it with a dull bolo. We’re asking the police to investigate the police, expecting rotten eggs to police the other rotten eggs. Torre might need more than a broom — he needs divine intervention, a lie detector machine in every precinct, and possibly a reality show so the public can vote out the dirty cops weekly.

And yet, here we are, pretending this is a fresh reboot instead of a sequel with the same tired script: a new chief, a new set of buzzwords, and the same promise to restore order while scandals simmer just beneath the surface. It’s like repainting a crumbling wall and acting surprised when the termites keep coming.

So sure, let’s give Torre III a chance. Maybe he’s the guy who can finally stop cops from moonlighting as criminals. But until we see real, consistent reforms, not just press con platitudes, we’ll keep wondering: Why do we keep needing to “clean up” something that was supposed to be clean in the first place?

Maybe the problem isn’t just the dirt. Maybe it’s the house itself.