Love: A ‘Mema’ internet debate

A recent internet post by “Mema Mama” has sparked a pre-Valentine’s Day debate about love and loss. Does love fade because someone stops choosing you, or is it more complex?

Mema Mama asked: What changed?

“You adored them. They were your future, your safe place, your everything. Your heart raced and felt at peace with them.

“But now, it’s different. Their talk, their actions, how they make you feel — it’s not the same. You ask yourself, what went wrong?

“Love isn’t just feeling; it’s choosing. Maybe they stopped choosing you, or maybe you stopped choosing them. Love isn’t enough when respect fades, effort dies, or one person carries all the weight.

“Maybe they became unrecognizable. Or maybe they were always this way, and you were blinded by love. You gave your all, but love shouldn’t be one-sided. You built a future alone.

“It hurts because you remember how they made you feel. But memories aren’t love, and nostalgia isn’t enough.

“So, what changed? Sometimes it’s them, sometimes it’s you, and sometimes it’s life teaching you to love yourself.”

Now says an editor of this paper, writing as Mema Papa:

“Relationships are not static; they grow, transform, and face challenges requiring adaptation and resilience. The idea that a relationship fades because someone ‘stopped choosing’ ignores the nuances of human connection.

“People and circumstances change. Relationships aren’t always about maintaining perfect balance but about adjusting to evolving needs.

“What seems like a partner ‘becoming unrecognizable’ might be revealing previously hidden parts — not deceit, but vulnerability. It’s essential to ask if there was openness to understanding those changes or it’s just a fixation on an idealized version.

“Also, the belief that ‘memories aren’t love’ misses the value of shared human experiences. Nostalgia isn’t weakness, but a recognition of what was built.

“Relations don’t always fade because someone ‘teaches himself or herself how to love oneself.’ Sometimes they change because growth nudges people to take different directions.

“What truly changed might not be either person, but the realization that a shared love or a relationship cannot remain as it was.”

Our take:

Mema Mama’s post tugs at the heart because it speaks of the pain of feeling unloved. There’s undeniable truth in recognizing when a relationship becomes one-sided. However, Mema Papa correctly points out that relationships are dynamic. They evolve, and so do the people in them.

Sometimes, what we perceive as a partner “changing” is simply them growing, perhaps in a direction we didn’t anticipate. The “weight” of a relationship isn’t always about one person slacking; it can stem from a breakdown in communication.

So, is it about choosing, as Mema Mama suggests? Yes, partly. But it’s also about understanding that choice is not a one-time decision.

It’s a continuous process of re-choosing, adapting, and communicating as individuals and as partners. The hard part is that this re-choosing often doesn’t happen neatly.

Relationships require constant attention and effort from people, even when things feel like they’re drifting apart.

Sometimes, paths diverge naturally, and that’s not necessarily a failure, but a part of life’s journey. It doesn’t mean that people have failed — it might just be that a relationship has changed, in a way no one has anticipated.

What changed? What do you think happens when relationships shift? Perhaps the answers aren’t always as simple as we want them to be.