Bianca Gonzales-Intal: 'Challenging but fulfilling to be a parent'

In the eight years of being a mother, TV host and author Bianca Gonzales-Intal realized the most valuable piece of advice on what it really means to be a parent. 

“Every child is different. You’ll witness the milestones of other mothers and children, see how busy they are. Sometimes you can’t help but feel ‘okay lang ba ‘tong ginagawa ko?’ (Is what I’m doing okay?). ‘Should I be doing more?’ ‘Should I be doing this by now?’ That’s the most important realization, every child is different,” Intal told DAILY TRIBUNE. 

The Pinoy Big Brother Gen 11 host and husband JC Intal have two daughters, Lucia, 7, and Carmen, 4. 

At a recent Johnson’s Baby event, Intal described herself as a hands-on mother. 

“When I became a mom, I knew na ayokong tumigil mag-work kasi I am career driven (I knew that I didn’t want to stop working because I am career driven). I’m just so blessed that my job isn’t 9 to 5, meaning I can schedule it in such a way that even if I have work, taping, and events I would still say that majority of my time I can spend with my kids. Hinahatid ko sila sa school and I pick them up every day. Every single extra-curricular, milestone, and appointment. I’m so lucky that my work allows me too. And we live in a time din na may awareness, ‘uy puwede pala siya, to juggle and work and be a hands-on mom,’” she said. 

When asked about the challenges, she said “Until now, hindi nawawala ‘yung challenges (the challenges are still there). They just evolve.”

The newborn’s first weeks are the hardest to adapt to, Intal said. “Pinaka-malaking challenge talaga is walang tulog (The biggest challenge is you don’t get enough sleep). When you do have kids, for me, harder than being pregnant for me is taking care of a newborn. Nakakasira ng bait, hindi ka kumakain on time (It makes you crazy, you can’t eat on time). Hindi ka naliligo on time, hindi ka naliligo at all (You can’t take a bath on time, or you don’t take a bath at all).”

Then comes the toddler stage. “It’s more about handling their emotions, laging nagta-tantrums. (They have tantrums).It’s the stage na hindi pa sila nakakapagsalita, hindi pa nila nasasabi what’s bothering them. (It’s the stage where they can’t tell you what’s bothering them). That’s hard,” she said. “And when they get bigger iba naman ‘yung challenges kasi hindi na lang sila sa bahay exposed. (When they get bigger they can’t tell you what’s bothering them because they are not at home). You don’t know what other people around them are saying. Are they bullied? Thankfully my kids aren’t. It’s a constant challenge but at the same time masarap maging parent to see how your child grows and evolves (but, at the same time it’s nice to be a parent).”

Intal makes it a point to make her kids feel open and vocal about their concerns. “I want them to grow up in this generation na kapag may nararamdaman sila (if they’re feeling something), kapag malungkot sila ay masasabi nila sa aming mag-asawa (if they’re sad, they can tell it to us). As parents, too, we share with them how we feel. I guess that imbibes that when something’s bothering them, whenever merong kailangan gawin pero ayaw nila (if there’s something they need to do but they don’t want to), we make sure we listen to them.”

Consent is the key, she added. “For example, nung panahon natin na ‘Kiss tita’ now it’s more of ‘Do you want to hug Tita?.’ There’s always consent. It’s important. When you think about it, it’s so important. There are moments when kids go ‘No mommy. No videos please.’ We really make sure to put the phone down because if you insist, mafefeel nila na wala silang voice (they’ll feel that they don’t have a voice). In those little things, they feel empowered, they’re more encouraged that they can voice out what they feel without feeling shamed or feeling guilty.” 

On window time, when things aren’t busy at home and work, Intal allots time for herself. She said, “A non-negotiable for me is my exercise time. That’s my alone time but I get to work out. I take pilates and then I run also. I like driving by myself. I listen to my favorite music and podcasts. Another free time is when the kids are asleep, I do skincare and I read. I found a way for these to be part of my schedule without me taking time away from my kids or family.”