Son of a gun

What is it about carrying around a firearm that transforms a Dr. Jekyll into a Mr. Hyde?

Lately, the public has been treated (if that is the right word) to a slew of spectacles showing ordinary citizens involved in gun-toting road rage incidents. There would be a traffic altercation, it would turn confrontational, one person would alight from his vehicle, pull out a gun and point it at his adversary to intimidate him.

Unfortunately for these "kawawang" cowboys (to borrow the song lyrics of the late Fred Panopio), they forget that the entire population these days is armed with phone cameras. Their gung-ho attitude is caught on camera and posted online, going viral among a population looking for sensational footage. Worse for the bully, since there are a lot of reelectionist senators, such videos invariably trigger a Senate inquiry supposedly in aid of legislation, never mind if our country already has strict gun laws.

This would inevitably give the anti-gun advocates another chance to restate their mantra of "guns are evil," disregarding the fact that firearms are inanimate objects that do not spontaneously pull their own triggers without human intervention.

Those like us who are in favor of the right to carry arms — under the proper legal regulations, of course — would then counter with our own mantra: "Guns don't kill; people do." The debate is monotonously repeated every time there are morons such as that bald Gonzales character, who unlawfully use guns.

The call for a total gun ban to address the issue is a knee-jerk reaction by jerks. For every a-hole who pulls out his gun out of pique, there are tens of thousands like me who have never used their firearm even under pressure. I believe that the safeguards now in place for applicants for gun licenses have been effective in filtering out the vast majority of psychos who cannot handle the perceived "power" born out of carrying a gun.

To call for a firearms ban just because some weirdos out there abuse their privilege to carry guns is like calling for a total ban on cars simply because there are a few drivers who get into accidents due to their lack of driving skills.

In this connection, I have been wondering why my proposal to test drivers' IQs, and if it is low, to put a notice on their cars saying "Warning: Stupid Driver" (much like the notice on beginners' cars, "Warning: Student Driver") has fallen on deaf official ears.

My best friend, Dr. Francis Aquino, a psychology major before becoming an anesthesiologist, once told me that those who swagger around, gun in hand, are covering up for something. The psychoanalytic term he used was "compensation." It may be for lack of parental affection when an infant, lack of wealth or power, a timid nature, or even — seriously — a small penis.

Doc Francis added that sometimes those who drive the biggest cars or pack a gun with the longest barrel are those with the smallest dicks. Well, I drive a compact car and have a snub-nose revolver, so draw your own conclusions. Reminds me of that famous quote from Mae West: "Is that a gun in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?"

Levity aside, a legal gun-carrying citizen should always possess the proper mindset when lugging around his weapon for protection. He should be aware of the multitude not only of the online hatred that he will be getting when he unlawfully unholsters his firearm and uses it to threaten someone but of the legal problems he will face afterward.

And then there is the possibility of encountering someone who also has a gun, or who has armed bodyguards, in which case the resulting shootout will definitely result in casualties, both on the part of the combatants and, worse, of innocent bystanders. In this case, one might end up being a dead son of a gun.