Been driving for 33 years now with the licenses I've gotten from the Land Transportation Office remaining untainted with a single traffic violation ticket. Not for lack of "encounters" with traffic enforcers, though, because I certainly have had my share of those.

Maybe it's the way I've reasoned out with them; ribbing them as needed, or firmly elaborating on the nuances of traffic rules, but with respect even if some had been begging to be disrespected. No road-rager, this Contrarian is; or at least, I try mighty hard not to rage, like over this enforcer who countermanded a "go" green light and caused the driver behind to bump my rear.

Okay, no conflict with that line above. The driver at my six o'clock could not be faulted either because "green" universally means drive on unless some uninformed uniformed felon, errr, fellow, forces you to stop abruptly at the pain of being slapped a disobeying traffic signal ticket.

How's that for crazy? You violate an automated traffic signaling system to obey a hand signal from an enforcer who, clearly flunked physics. Still, I always give them the benefit of the doubt as when you're in uniform you follow even the stupendously, stupefying stupid orders of higher-ups who should know better with their post-graduate studies and lofty titles.

Imagine that non-contact apprehension policy — yes, the one TROed by the Supreme Court — at play. I'd be f*c#!d twice over. You follow the hand signal to escape being ticketed by the enforcer, and some guy behind the monitor manning the CCTV at the traffic control center then issues you an online ticket for stopping on "go."

The city government of Manila by the way, should declare itself a republic and secede as it insists its traffic enforcers would continue confiscating the driver's licenses of erring motorists on account of its ordinances. Alrighty! Let's just throw all national laws, like the one that says only the LTO can confiscate driver's licenses, into the dumpster.

***

"There's always a first time," fellow Daily Tribune editor, columnist and de facto office de-stressor Manny Angeles told me in response to my admission that only pure luck may have spared me even from fender-benders in all of those three decades of being behind the wheel of a Toyota Tamaraw, two Corollas and this jalopy (Oh, love your own) I have now.