Love beyond measure

JohN (left) and Angelo tied the knot in New York.

John Paulo Ondra Caparros, the media relations officer of Strategic Works Inc., a public relations firm, is happily married to Angelo Teves, a business executive. They’re among a number of men who have chosen to tie the knot abroad for legal reasons, come home, and work out their lives, hoping all will be well.

John and Angelo’s marriage is an example of one that has proven to be successful. As John himself affirms, it is about two people deciding to love each other no matter what.

In this interview article, he shares with us the story of their love affair. Daily Tribune indeed is thrilled to hear from him, for his story tells us that love is possible for the LGBTQIA ++ among us.

Daily Tribune (DT): When did you realize you’re gay?

John Paulo Ondra Caparros (JPOC): When I was in college already. I was straight when I was in high school. You could say that I didn’t have a colorful life. I even had a girlfriend in college and we were together for a long time. But then, I began to have male crushes and I couldn’t understand why. So I admitted this to my girlfriend. She respected and accepted me for who I was, but our relationship had to end. Now, she’s like a sister to me.

DT: How did you come out with your family? What was their reaction?

JPOC: Well I didn’t come out with my parents. It was my husband Angelo who outed me when he talked with my parents when he asked their blessings for us to marry.

JPOC: Their reaction was priceless. My Mom easily accepted me. She understood immediately and articulated her unconditional moral support. It would seem that she had known it all along, and that probably came from her maternal instinct, since mothers have an attachment to their children.

My father, on the other hand, didn’t talk to me for several days. He probably had a hard time coming to terms with the fact. He was shocked by what he was told, and it had to sink in yet. The bigger shock for him was that of another man asking for the hand of his son.

When my father stopped talking to me, I texted him. I told him that I was aware that he had not accepted me yet as a gay son but that I wanted to tell him that I was happy with my decision and the way things turned out. I also promised him that I would not do anything that would put him and the family to shame. And that I would do him proud.

“I was straight when I was in high school. I even had a girlfriend in college. But then, I began to have male crushes and I couldn’t understand why.”

And I think that finally sunk in. All of a sudden, he understood. And I was as free as a bird.

DT: Tell us about how you met Angelo, your partner.

JPOC: We met on Grindr, an online dating app.

JPOC: To be honest, we belong to opposite sides of the pole. I didn’t know we would end up marrying each other. I’m a very dominant person. And I guess seeing someone much more dominant than I really caught my attention. Like if he told me to stop doing what I was doing and go home instead, I would do exactly that. But while he could be dominant, he has his own way of being sweet and of making me excited. He is full of surprises.

DT: Did he tell you what got him attracted to you?

DT: So, when did you start living together?

JPOC: In our first week together, we decided to live together just to test the waters and see how it goes from there. Actually, it was just on the second day. We’re neighbors that’s why it was easy for one to live in the house of the other.

JPOC: Between us, it was progressive. Like what I said, we decided to live together in the first week. Then, we would check if that was feasible. We were being practical in everything we decided.

DT: What were the initial points of compatibility? In what way are you the same?

JPOC: We both care for our parents and siblings. We share the same perspective when we look at certain things. When it comes to interests, we both love traveling. We also love music and movies. We both love Grey’s Anatomy and How to Get Away with Murder.

JPOC: We have lots of incompatibilities, but because we respect each other that has made us stay. No matter how different we are from each other, it’s how we respect each other that matters. We both understand that we can’t have the same interests and passions all the way. And we have decided that it’s not what one wants that will always be followed. There has to be a give and take. What is more important for us is despite our differences, we manage to make our relationship work.

DT: How are the arrangements? Like who spends for what?

JPOC: When it comes to daily expenses, he would pay for everything since it’s his house. But as a matter of self-respect, we agreed to share expenses in everything, from utilities down to everyday grocery. The deal is I would cook, and he would do the shopping (laughs).

DT: How has your living-in affected your respective social lives?

JPOC: I think I met Angelo at the right time. I had just decided to stop running around with friends, with whom I always had a “gimmick.” I would go to Baclaran often with my friends, but I decided I had had enough of that kind of lifestyle, and then I met Angelo.

JPOC: My friends have been very supportive because I changed from being a “gimmick” person to a focused person when it comes to work. Everything else became second to work.

DT: So, what happened when he proposed marriage to you?

JPOC: It was the most enchanted night of my life. This was on 12 August 2017. A week earlier, he had been planning for his annual trip. And usually, when he was about to leave, he would ask friends to a simple gathering. So I thought it was just that. He asked me to invite my closest friends. I didn’t think that was right since my friends were not his friends, but since he said it was just for once, I decided to invite them.

All the while, he acted strange, almost cold. And he seemed to be keeping something from me, like he was hiding some stuff in his phone. I even suspected there might be someone else.

Anyway, on the day of the party, and we were in a hotel. I got suspicious because every time I would go near him, he would hide his phone. So, I had to confront him and ask him why he was doing that, and he merely laughed. So, I stopped talking to him. For several hours, I didn’t speak to him.

And then, my friends and his friends arrived. Soon, the party was in full swing and then, an acoustic group entered the function room. I didn’t really wonder, it might have been part of the hotel package.

Then, a popular song was played. The lyrics go this way: “I have loved you only in my mind/ But I know that there will come a time/ You’ll feel this feelin’ I have inside/ You’re a hopeless romantic is what they say/Falling in and out of love just like a play/ Memorizin’ each line/ I still don’t know what to say/ What to say…”

And then something happened. He said these things: Today, I have loved you 83 days. At this point, when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

“I wanna marry you because you are the first person I wanna look at when I wake up in the morning, and the only one I wanna kiss goodnight. But mainly, when you love someone as much as I love you, getting married is the only thing left to do. So, will you, marry me?”

And before I knew it, he was kneeling before me, and I told him he didn’t have to kneel. We both stood up and kissed each other.

DT: How was the engagement period? Between the proposal and the wedding, how did you prepare emotionally? Did you have jitters? How did you tell your parents?

JPOC: I give all the credits to Angelo when it comes to the wedding preparation. He is very artistic which I adored very much. But I still could not believe that I was getting married. I was shocked and thinking this was all a dream. I didn’t tell my parents. It was he who broke the news to them when he called them up to ask their permission for him to marry me.

DT: Did you parents know all along that you and Angelo were lovers?

JPOC: When I introduced him to my parents, I just told them he was my best friend. But of course, they might have wondered why this best friend of mine was treating my whole family to dinner and then to a stay in a hotel.

So, he got my parents’ number from a sibling of mine, that’s why he was able to call them on the day he proposed. Angelo has his ways which I couldn’t figure out. He is very mysterious which I like the most. I’m very grateful that I met him. And I will never change him for anyone else.

JPOC: Our wedding preparation was very fast it was almost like we were eloping. We just processed our papers and then we went to the City Hall of New York to have them signed. Then the ceremony took place in Central Park. There were only four of us, including a photographer. Also present was my Tita. Hiring the photographer was more expensive than the wedding itself.

Perhaps, we only wanted to be recognized legally. Because there’s nothing quite like travelling with your significant other. You’ll make so many crazy and hilarious memories together and always have somebody there for you. But at the end of the day it doesn’t matter where you are going, its who you have beside you.

JPOC: For our honeymoon, we explored Greece, including Mykonos and Santorini. We experienced their culture.

DT: What about your return to the Philippines? How did you celebrate? What did your family and friends say?

JPOC: Our focus was on the preparation of our wedding reception. From the set-up down to the very last detail. Like who will sit where or who must not sit beside whom. No one knew how big and elegant our wedding would be. We started with 25 guests to 150 from each side of the nuptials because we wanted to invite everyone whom we knew. Our guests were telling us it was the wedding of the year.

DT: Living together as boyfriends is different from living together as a wedded couple. What adjustments did you have to make?

JPOC: There was not much adjustment since we lived together from day 2. The big change would be when I introduce him around and I say, “This is Angelo, my husband.”

DT: How are you when travelling? Do you cause any fuss because you are a couple?

JPOC: Not really because we are not the kind who does a lot of public display of affection. That was never our style. We behave as a respectable couple because that’s how you respect others. And respect begets respect. If there’s any problem during our travels, it is when our feet begin to ache from too much walking. Or when we’re hungry already. That’s when conflicts arise. (laughs)

DT: What prejudices have you had to face and address in the Philippines?

JPOC: No, we have not had to face any such problem. That’s probably because the people around us understand us. They realize that a gay couple is as good as a normal couple. We may not be able to create another life, but when it comes to emotions, we are as much capable of loving.

Some cannot easily understand us but that is no reason for us to be mad at them. We realize that not everyone will easily understand our situation. I believe though that someday, in this lifetime, members of the LGBTQIA++ will be given the right to marry their loved ones.

DT: What is your level of religiosity and spirituality and how does this affect your marriage? Do they matter or you don’t give a damn?

JPOC: Both our parents are very religious. At first they didn’t understand us, but eventually they did. Perhaps they realized we are happy. Angelo and I are not regular churchgoers but we have our way of talking to God. We did not make a big issue of religion because our parents respected what we wanted.

DT: Gay marriage is not yet legal in the Philippines. How do you make your marriage work where legal matters are concerned? For example, what about the sharing of property?

JPOC: When it comes to legal matters, for example, what he buys is his and what I buy is mine. But of course, we cannot be spending all the time. We consult and discuss if something is really worth buying. Except that almost always, we end up buying things. When it comes to properties, it is both in our names if we both share in the cost. If I do not contribute to the purchase, I am not entitled to anything. We probably are the only couple with that kind of set-up. Money has never been an issue to the both of us.

DT: How are you with his family? How is he with your family?

JPOC: We respect each other’s family. How I treat my parents, that’s how I treat his parents and the same can be said of how he treats my parents. It all goes back to the values that we were raised up with by our respective parents.

DT: How does etiquette work in your case? For example, how are you both addressed? What about letters (invitations), do they write Mr. and Mr.?

JPOC: When it comes to invitations, it’s always John and Angelo. So I guess same goes with Mr. and Mr. I believe I can say I am the motherlike figure in this relationship and he is the head of the family.

DT: What are your plans? Do you intend to have children?

JPOC: Not for now. We still have our parents and siblings to take care of. We have dogs too — Zues, Bailey and Molley.

DT: Where do you see yourselves as a couple 5 years from now? 10 years from now? 25 years from now?

JPOC: It doesn’t matter if it’s 5 or 10 or 25. But what I see is we will have each other’s back no matter what. We will take care of each other as long as we can.

No one knows what will be destined for and bestowed to us. It’s up to us how we will make our future. And if we want to have a good future together, we just have to do it right.

DT: What is your advice to other gays who want to tie the knot?

JPOC: Always follow your heart. But don’t forget to use your brains. And remember always that true love isn’t always romantic. It’s a choice to love each other for better or worse, richer or poorer and in sickness and in health.