For a few inglorious moments on Monday, Philippine politics stopped pretending to be a democracy and finally embraced what it truly is: a comedy filmed with government funding.
CCTV footage showed Senator Ronald “Bato” dela Rosa scampering through Senate corridors, while National Bureau of Investigation (NBI) agents chased him, apparently hoping to reprise what Nicolas Torre did to former President Rodrigo Duterte.
At one point, Bato stumbled on the stairs while maybe trying to avoid being shanghaied off to The Netherlands by the agents. That alone must have made the day of many Filipinos desperate for some slapstick entertainment.
The hilarious footage instantly achieved the rare feat of making the Senate look like both a constitutional institution and a shopping mall during a 70-percent off sale.
Mind you, all this happened as rumors swirled through the building that a plane was supposedly already waiting to take Bato to The Hague.
Now, whether that’s true or not hardly matters anymore, as Philippine politics has already crossed into interpretive theater.
For months, Bato had been absent from Senate sessions amid persistent reports that the International Criminal Court (ICC) was preparing to move against him over his alleged role in Digong’s bloody anti-drug campaign.
Government officials, particularly from the Department of Justice, repeatedly denied knowledge of any warrant. Then, suddenly, former senator and failed putschist Antonio Trillanes IV emerged waving what looked suspiciously like an actual copy of one.
Trillanes being Trillanes, of course, there was no possibility he would quietly let history unfold without inserting himself somewhere near the camera frame. Still, epal or not, the larger problem remained.
If the DoJ truly did not know an ICC warrant existed while NBI agents were chasing a senator around the Senate building, then justice officials are sleeping on the job at a level requiring scientific study.
If they did know, as we are somehow sure they know (hindi naman ipinanganak kahapon ang mga Pinoy), then the Marcos government had once again been taking the public for a ride. Frankly, either explanation feels perfectly consistent with this administration.
This is, after all, the same government that repeatedly assured the nation Digong would never be surrendered to the ICC — right up to the moment he quietly disappeared into a plane bound for The Hague, like a magician exiting through backstage curtains.
Now it seemed Bato was nearly next, except fate intervened in the form of Senate arithmetic.
In what may have been the most politically important attendance check in recent memory, Bato resurfaced just in time to help remove Senate President Tito Sotto and replace him with Alan Peter Cayetano, a Duterte ally.
Suddenly, the man supposedly being hunted by international prosecutors became the deciding vote in a Senate coup. There is something almost Shakespearean about that.
As plot twists go, it lacked only the dramatic violin music and artificial fog. But the timing mattered.
With Cayetano now presiding over the upper chamber, many immediately speculated that Sara Duterte’s chances of surviving her impeachment may have just improved dramatically.
The real masterpiece, however, was watching senators commiserating with Bato suddenly discuss whether the NBI agents themselves should face sanctions for violating parliamentary immunity.
Imagine nearly getting arrested only to end the day with your pursuers being threatened with contempt. That is not politics anymore. That is Filipino improv theater with constitutional consequences.
Meantime, somewhere in The Hague, ICC prosecutors are probably staring at Philippine television footage trying to understand why their crimes-against-humanity investigation now resembles a crossover episode of House of Cards and Bubble Gang.