It’s Holy Saturday, well past midnight, and the ICU feels quieter than usual. The bright overhead lights have dimmed to a soft glow, casting gentle shadows across the floor. I’ve always found something strangely comforting about these late-night shifts; they’re moments of reflection when medicine feels deeply human and gently spiritual.
At bedside number four lies Alex, a father barely in his fifties, whose body is battling septic shock. His lungs are exhausted, supported by a ventilator; his blood pressure relies heavily on potent medications; and his kidneys have stopped working entirely. My eyes linger on the CRRT machine by his bedside, its quiet humming rhythmically filtering Alex’s blood, doing silently what his own kidneys can no longer manage.
We chose CRRT because Alex’s precarious condition made conventional dialysis too risky. His blood pressure, delicate as a balancing act, wouldn’t withstand the abrupt shifts dialysis would bring. So instead, we opted for this slow, gentle therapy — a marathon rather than a sprint, buying precious time and giving his fragile body the gentlest possible path to healing.
In these moments, my mind often wanders. Medical school teaches us the science, but life in the ICU teaches us humility. CRRT, miraculous as it is, tests our patience. Filters clot, alarms beep insistently, and therapy stops abruptly. Each interruption feels like a step backward. Tonight, the filter has already clotted twice, each setback weighing heavily on my heart. Each alarm triggers a silent plea within me: “Please hold on just a little longer.”
I stand up to stretch, feeling tension in my shoulders ease slightly. As I glance toward the ICU’s glass door, I notice Alex’s wife, Maria, sitting quietly in the waiting area. She hasn’t left since he was admitted, keeping her quiet vigil, whispering soft prayers. Her faith fills the spaces between our medical interventions. Earlier tonight, Maria gently pressed a small rosary into my hand, her eyes hopeful yet weary. I carefully hung it beside Alex’s IV line — a simple act of comfort amidst the complexity of machines and monitors.
Grace, the ICU nurse, steps to my side, speaking softly. “You think he’ll turn the corner soon?” Her voice holds cautious hope. I wish I had a definitive answer. Medicine often makes us feel powerful, but nights like these remind us of our limitations. “I hope so,” I respond honestly. “Sometimes, all we can do is wait, trust and continue to care.” Grace nods knowingly, her eyes reflecting our shared uncertainty.
It’s nearing four in the morning, and fatigue creeps over me. Yet I remain alert, frequently checking Alex’s vital signs, adjusting medications, and carefully observing the CRRT machine. Occasionally, I speak softly to him, even though he can’t respond. “Your family is right here,” I reassure him. “You’re not alone.” Experience has taught me that patients may hear more than we realize. Perhaps, I think, my words might reach him somewhere deep within, gently encouraging his exhausted body to fight a little longer.
Dawn slowly breaks, casting a gentle, warm glow through the ICU windows, pushing away the heavy darkness of the night. With the first light, there’s a subtle shift in Alex’s condition — his blood pressure stabilizes slightly, his heart rate steadies, small but hopeful signs. Perhaps it’s the tentative beginning of recovery, merely the gift of another day. Either way, it feels like progress.
Before leaving the ICU, I stop once more beside Alex. I whisper quietly, a gentle encouragement: “It’s morning. You made it through the night.” He lies still, peaceful and for a moment I let myself hope that today might bring the miracle his family prays for.
Outside the ICU, Maria immediately approaches me, her eyes wide with anticipation. “We made it through the night,” I gently inform her. Relief floods her face, and her eyes fill softly with tears. She clasps her hands together, whispering quietly, “Salamat po, Doc.” Thank you.
Holy Saturday is traditionally a day of quiet waiting, filled with delicate hope. Standing in this moment, exhausted yet profoundly moved, I’m reminded why I chose this path — not merely to heal, but to bear witness, to stand vigil during life’s most uncertain hours. Medicine is often about endurance, holding space between hope and uncertainty, faith and science. In that quiet dawn, watching Maria gently return to her husband’s side, I find myself deeply humbled, grateful and acutely aware of the delicate threads that bind us together, patient, family, and physician alike.
This morning, as sunlight softly warms the halls of the ICU, I’m quietly renewed. The long vigil, filled with moments of doubt and small, hard-won victories, has once again taught me the power of presence, patience and unwavering hope. Today, Alex remains alive, surrounded by care and love. Perhaps, sometimes, that is miracle enough.