Valentine's Day is often celebrated with themes of love, relationships, and emotional connection. But for many, the term "fuckboy" has become a part of the conversation, often linked with negative connotations. In this special interview, we sit down with someone who openly identifies with the term, to explore its true meaning and what it takes to move past that stage.
When asked about whether he considers himself a "fuckboy," Justin* admits, “Yes, I consider myself a fuckboy. Dati, nung panahon na akala ako makakatulong yun sa aking pagmu-move on. At akala ako... 'yun yung paraan para makalimot." He explains that during that phase of his life, he believed engaging in casual relationships would help him forget past heartbreaks. However, as he reflects on those times, he now recognizes that it wasn't a healthy way to cope.
For him, the idea of being a fuckboy is rooted in denial. “Wala naman talagang fuckboy na sinasabi nilang fuckboy sila. 'Yun ang totoong fuckboy para sa akin. Kasi ang totoong fuckboy, hindi, in denial stage sila eh." He goes on to describe how, during his “fuckboy era,” he thought he was simply being transparent, informing women that he was in his “dating era,” and as long as there was mutual consent and respect, everything was fine.
However, he acknowledges that his actions were more complex than he initially realized. "Later na lang, napag-isip-isip ko na hindi pala maganda 'yun..." The idea of having sex without emotional connection was, in hindsight, harmful to both him and the women involved.
When asked if there are different types of fuckboys, Justin believes there’s no one-size-fits-all description. "There's no such thing as a specific type," he states, explaining that some are driven by a desire to increase their body count, while others might be influenced by their upbringing or personal experiences. He highlights that both men and women can engage in these behaviors, as he’s encountered women who were also fixated on body count.
A significant trait associated with fuckboys is emotional unavailability. Justin shares his personal experience with an open relationship, where he and his partner convinced themselves they were in love, but in reality, they were emotionally unavailable. “Akala lang namin, mahal namin isa’t isa. But we were emotionally unavailable." His experience helps highlight that fuckboys may not even realize the emotional harm they are causing, either to themselves or to others.
This question often sparks debate, and for Justin, he believes it depends on the individual. “I think... depende sa... kapalit.” He reflects on how some people only change after experiencing severe consequences, like contracting an STD or even facing life-threatening situations. “Kung mangyayari sa iyo...kung ano 'yung kakaharapin mo na outcome sa mga ginagawa mo, dun ka palang mababago.” His experience with friends who had unfortunate outcomes serves as a wake-up call for him, reinforcing the idea that the consequences of one's actions can lead to change.
When asked about reforming a fuckboy, Justin admits that it often takes something life-altering to make someone change. “Minsan kasi, or kadalasan, magbabago lang talaga ang isang tao pag nagkaroon na sila ng matinding pangit na kapalit.” He shares a grim story of a friend who was involved with a woman on a dating app, only to later find out she was married. “Nakabigan ng kaibigan ko at binarel ng asawa ng lalaki. May asawa pala yung babae.” This experience highlights the dangers of casual encounters and how they can escalate into tragic outcomes.
The answer isn’t as simple as yes or no. Justin believes that it ultimately depends on the woman and her awareness of the situation. “Depende sa babae. May mga babae kasi na... sila rin ang lumalapit... hindi properly oriented.” He suggests that education and awareness about the potential dangers of engaging with fuckboys could help women navigate these relationships more safely.
Justin shares advice for women who may encounter fuckboys. “Kung ayaw niyong maka-inkwentro ng fuckboy, kung makikipag-usap kayo in the first stage siguro bantayan niyo muna 'yung mga salita ng isang lalaki.” He suggests paying attention to promises and whether the guy is following through. Another important piece of advice is ensuring that any relationship involves meaningful connection, including family involvement. “Dapat kasama ang pamilya niyan. At kung may anak man yan, dapat kasama ang anak.”
Despite his past experiences, Justin believes in love and relationships. “Yes, I believe in relationships. And yes, I believe in love.” He talks about how he’s been in two long-term relationships, one of which had a child involved. Though he faced deep pain and betrayal, he has emerged stronger, with a deeper understanding of what love means. He explains that love requires both commitment and a systematic approach to handling challenges in a relationship.
In his view, a healthy relationship is not just about romantic love but also about mutual support. “Yung taong hindi ka sinusukuan at willing na mag-submit sayo... 'yun 'yung tao dapat makasama mo habang buhay.”
In conclusion, the interview paints a nuanced picture of the fuckboy experience. While Justin doesn't shy away from admitting his past, he also emphasizes that personal growth is possible, and it often comes with painful lessons. His message to others is one of self-awareness, respect for others, and the importance of being honest with oneself in relationships.
With Valentine’s Day over, perhaps this conversation serves as a reminder that love, relationships, and personal growth are complex and require maturity, introspection, and genuine connection.
*Name has been changed to protect their identity and privacy.