Almost a year ago, I lost my father. He was 91 years old — a long life lived with wisdom, strength and love. Despite the fullness of his years, the weight of his absence feels no lighter. Grief is not a linear journey, and losing someone — even at an advanced age — doesn’t soften the emotional blow. This past year has been a poignant reminder of how grief changes, evolves, and lingers despite time marching forward.
Last year, I wrote an article on the stages of grief:
“Grief is a natural emotion to experience when going through a loss, be it of a loved one, or a job. In 1969, Elizabeth Kübler Ross wrote in her book On Death and Dying that grief can be divided into five stages:
• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance
The five stages have then expanded to seven stages or steps, reflecting how complex the process can be:
• Shock and denial — A state of disbelief
• Pain and guilt — The feeling that the loss is unbearable and you wonder if you could have done something else or something more
• Anger and bargaining — Lashing out and thinking that you would do anything to be free of this grief or to have your loved one back
• Depression — A period of isolation and loneliness
• The upward turn — When then emotions of the previous stages have died down
• Reconstruction and working through — It feels like you are able to start moving forward
• Acceptance and hope — A gradual acceptance of a new way of life and looking towards the future with a positive attitude
Understanding the grieving process can ultimately help you work toward acceptance and healing. By identifying and acknowledging each stage, it can help you know what to expect and to comprehend what you are feeling. It can also help you find ways to get help to meet your needs as you go through the grieving process.
Each person’s grief is unique. No one can tell you how long you will stay in each stage, nor if you will experience them in order. Some stages might last longer than others, and you may find yourself revisiting one or more stages unexpectedly. For me, the tears now come less frequently, but when they do, it’s as though a year hasn’t passed at all.
Grief doesn’t adhere to any schedule. One day you may feel as though you’ve turned a corner, only to be blindsided by sadness the next. It’s normal to feel ambushed by emotions you thought had subsided. Small triggers — an old photograph, a familiar scent, a song on the radio — can evoke memories that reignite the grief with startling intensity. These moments are reminders that grief, like love, is not something that ends; it is something that changes.
As I reflect on the past year, I see the journey through grief as a cycle, not a straight path. Some days, I am strong and feel as though I’ve reached a place of peace. Other days, the loss feels fresh, the tears just beneath the surface. And that’s okay. We often expect time to heal us completely, but the truth is that healing from grief is more about learning to live with the loss rather than “getting over” it.
I’ve come to accept that grief is not a process to be conquered. Instead, it’s a companion on the journey through life, ebbing and flowing with time. What brings solace is the gradual realization that, while the pain of loss may never fully disappear, it is possible to carry it with grace and, eventually with hope.
By understanding and acknowledging each stage of grief, we can give ourselves the permission to feel deeply, to be patient with ourselves, and to heal at our own pace. Grief may never entirely leave, but neither does the love that preceded it. And that, I believe is the ultimate testament to those we have lost.