The excited energy of the audience invited to the advanced screening of Mudrasta (now showing in cinemas) that happened in SM North Edsa’s The Block Cinema 3 was not only palpable, but electric.

The overall vibe was not only congenial, but communal. Familiarity did not breed contempt at that appointed time.

When the Julius Ruslin Alfonso-directed, Joni Son Fontanos-written and CreaZion Studios-produced film played on the silver screen, yes, it had me with “My Love Will See You Through,” the Marco Sison anthem, and the cinema house roared with chuckles and laughter, kilig and feels, awwww reactions, muted sniffles and yes, when the last of its frame and the credits rolled, the Roderick Paulate movie received the warmest of applause.

Too close to home

The narrative of Mudrasta affected me in such a way that if felt too close to home. The story of Victor Labrador, nicknamed Becky (Roderick Paulate), is a gay man’s fantasy, made truthful by its lead star and his co-actors.

There was like a boy love drama element to it, wherein Becky and Enrique (Tonton Gutierrez) shared a special friendship and different kind of love. Paulate’s character was the “I will give everything for love” kind of gay, and Gutierrez’s role was the straight man who cared for and loved Becky in the manner he knew best.

And just like that, the memories and my experiences of loving someone until you hurt and bleed but you love him anyway, and the man who showed and made me feel that he loved me in his own way, came back to me with a vengeance.

The faces. The closeness. The embraces. Scents. Longing looks. Promises made that took awhile to be fulfilled, but I cling on to them. The disappointments. The many times you forgive and understand. The denial of the truth that he will never love you the same way you love him, but still, you love him, truly, madly, deeply.

With Paulate’s take on Becky and Gutierrez’s commitment to becoming Enrique, their good and bad, happy and sad moments kept my eyes transfixed on the images that flickered, I just felt tears streaming on my face, accepting that I, just like Paulate’s character, is living proof to the saying that it is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all, and affirmative to the lyrics, “I won’t forget, can’t regret, what I did for love.”

And to the Enriques I loved before, thank you for the memories, thank you for the love.

Also, the way Becky’s father (portrayed by Joel Saracho) was presented in the movie, strict yes, but his full acceptance of an eldest gay son made me remember my father.

In one of my chit-chats with my mother, she told me that at the age of five, she already sensed my gayness. Her recollection of me in front of the electric fan, giggling, playful, as I let my loose and large-for-my-size short pants float and then pin it down, was so reminiscent of the Marilyn Monroe moment that made Joe di Maggio jealous.

Her worry, she told my dad and his reaction to it: “Eh ano naman kung bakla si Alwin? Anak natin iyan. Basta palakihin nating mabait at matalino” (So what if he is gay? He is our son. Let us guide him to grow up as a good person and intelligent).”

My father died when I was 10 years old. He never saw me blossom and become the diva that, kept for sure, he would love. Awww….

Personal

There were personal issues in Mudrasta that are relatable, especially its brave and realistic take on the friendship and relationship of two men with different sexual orientations; the dynamics and contrast of the families, people you forge alliances with, the antagonists and the brother and sisters from another mother that we have; as well as acceptance and the many colors, flavors and types of love that we experience in life.

To say that Paulate is back to slay is an understatement. Nobody does a gay character like the Roderick who infused his Becky with fabulousness and a lot of heart.

Gutierrez was always competent and shared perfect chemistry with Paulate. Their scenes elicited the feels and all the mushy givens of two men sharing a different kind of love.

Carmi Martin so deserves a best supporting actress nod with her role that she delivered with so much aplomb and zing.

The Magalona scions, Elmo and most especially Arkin, screamed X factor and showbiz royalty — eye candies indeed with a great chunk of acting talent.

And you wouldn’t cry for Celia Rodriguez’s Doña Evita Santillanes, with matchy-matchy animal print outfits and scene-stealing turbans — she could eclipse Alexis Carrington Colby, played by Joan Collins in Dynasty, anytime, all the time.