Forgiving yourself

This article is inspired by a true character. Names and circumstances have been changed for privacy.

Hector was called Shooter because, once he got the ball, it was a sure score from anywhere within three-point range. Friends labeled him the Michael Jordan of the Philippines.

Unlike Shin Dong Pa, the famed Korean shooter who practiced three hours a day for four months before the Olympics to become a star, Hector never practiced.

He never joined the varsity teams in high school or college, refusing the invitations of coaches and the Dean himself. He simply played and played with friends almost every day. He was addicted to the game. He had no ambition to be a star.

He became coach of a prestigious local high school varsity team, which became champion for the first time.

Back in his college days, he was thinking of the priesthood, to enter the Jesuit order. That was wishful thinking. It never happened. Many are called but few are chosen.

He was quite good-looking, so the girls would run after him. At first, he was shy and elusive, but he easily evolved into a playboy. He married early before graduating from college. After college, he worked as a salesman for a multinational pharmaceutical, and received an international award as the top salesman.

He was then sent abroad for further training and studies. There, he met an attractive American woman who fell for him and practically seduced him. Poor Hector was only human. They had a torrid love affair. It was a bizarre pendulum swing, from considering the priesthood to an illicit love affair.

After a year, quite by accident, his wife discovered his marital crime. That destroyed his marriage totally. His wife never forgave him. To this day, as of this writing, she hates him.

Although they still live together in their old age for convenience, they never talk to each other except when she screams at him. He swallows his medicine in silent agony. In total depression, he visited a priest, his former counselor when he was thinking of becoming a priest, to seek advice.

HECTOR: Father, I don’t know what to do. I am all in shambles.

COUNSELOR: Do you know that the Lord has forgiven you?

HECTOR: Yes, I know, He is the all-forgiving merciful Lord.

COUNSELOR: So, what’s the problem?

HECTOR: I don’t know, I feel I have to suffer for my sins.

COUNSELOR: You are so full of guilt, that’s why. If the Lord has forgiven you, you have to learn to also forgive yourself.

Hector left totally dejected. The words echoed inside his soul: “You have to forgive yourself.” He went to Baguio alone, checked into a hotel, and did a self-retreat, his catharsis. (Catharsis means sudden realization of the truth that hurts.)

Only when he finally learned to forgive himself was he freed of the chains of guilt. At that moment, he felt a sudden peace of mind, and felt the hand of the Lord on his shoulder.