The Last Days of ‘I’ Before ‘We’

You can never be fully ready for the big things in life. Not for your first job, not for your first heartbreak, and certainly not for the day you stand at the altar to promise forever. You prepare, you plan, you rehearse, but there’s always that gap — the space between who you are and who you need to become. You can measure the years, count the paychecks, write down the pros and cons, but it never feels quite enough. And now, just days before my wedding, I’m realizing that this gap is where all the second-guessing, last-minute jitters, and quiet reflections live. It’s true.

As much as I’ve tried to ready myself for this, I know I’ll never be 100 percent prepared. I’ll never feel completely qualified to be someone’s lifelong partner, someone’s “forever.” But then again, if we only waited until we were fully ready for every milestone, life would be an endless rehearsal with no opening night.

They say that when you get married, you hand over your title as your own “Commander-in-Chief.” They say you declare martial law on your personal freedom. They say “magpapakasal” is really just “magpapasakal” in a barong. That the only real law left in your household is the unspoken one: “Happy wife, happy life.”

They say a lot of things.

But as the big day approaches, I’m realizing that these jokes only scratch the surface. They capture the humor and the hesitation, but not the heart of the matter. They miss the quiet, unspoken moments of commitment that define a marriage long after the wedding photos are framed.

I think back to the early days of our relationship, when the smallest things felt like a step closer to something bigger. When we’d stay out late, talking about our dreams, our fears, our plans to teach and take our MAs, our completely unrealistic plans to travel the world on a budget that barely covered our coffee dates. When every look felt electric, and every touch sent a jolt through my chest. Those days when just being beside each other felt like a privilege, when I’d walk her to her door and linger a little longer, hoping she’d take just one more step closer before I had to say goodnight.

I remember a lot of things.

I remember our first spoken-word poetry event, how we leaned just a little closer with each line, the distance between our shoulders shrinking to just a few centimeters. I remember our first shared car ride, and for the first time in my life, I was genuinely grateful for Manila’s terrible traffic. I remember meeting her parents for the first time —the nervousness of not knowing what they’d think, the quiet relief when her mom smiled, and when her dad shook my hand just tight enough to crush my doubts. I remember our first misunderstanding, how I paced back and forth in my room, rehearsing my arguments, only to melt when I saw her face. I remember the first time she got mad at me for something I didn’t even realize I’d done, and how I spent hours trying to figure out the right combination of words to make things right.

And then there are the quieter memories, the ones that don’t make it into photo albums but define a relationship just as deeply. Those that accumulated over the years, like layers of paint on a favorite old wall.

I remember almost everything that led us to where we are now — just a few more days before we say that yes, we’re ready to walk this path together, no matter where it leads.

But with all these last-minute jitters, I also find myself reflecting on the person I’ve been up until now. That version of me who stood alone, who navigated life without thoughts of a co-pilot, who made mistakes without anyone to share the burden. I think about the young man who learned to stand on his own, who found his footing without a hand to hold. I wonder if he’s ready to give up the solitude, the selfishness, the single-mindedness that have defined his life for so long.

But when I really think about it, I’m not giving up anything. I’m just choosing to share it.

Yes, they say a lot of things. Some are meant as old-fashioned marriage jokes, others might hold a bit of truth. But I beg to differ. Marriage isn’t a surrender. It’s a pact to stay, to hold on, to weather the storms together. It’s choosing to walk the same path, even if that path leads to making-the-bed-before-heading-out debates, shared playlists of songs you’re not even sure you like, and bathroom counters cluttered with both of your toothbrushes. It’s choosing to say “I do” not just on your wedding day, but every day after that.

Of course, not every day will feel as amazing as the first. Some days, the butterflies will quiet down. The electric thrill of a first kiss will fade into the comfort of a familiar embrace. There will be days when you’ll find each other irritating, when the little quirks you once found endearing will become the very things that test your patience. There will be mornings when you’ll wake up next to each other with messy hair and morning breath, when wrinkles will replace smooth skin, and gravity will take its toll on youthful bodies. But you’ll still choose each other because love isn’t just a feeling. It’s a decision. A daily, deliberate choice.

It’s true, no one is ever fully prepared for the big things in life. But maybe that’s the beauty of it. Just as I wasn’t ready for the first steps that brought us closer, I’m not entirely ready for this next chapter. But that’s okay. Readiness was never the point. The point was to choose, to leap despite the gap between who I was and who I am becoming. In this case, a husband.

And maybe that’s what growing up truly is. Not a flawless plan, but a willingness to embrace the imperfections and walk forward anyway. To let the “I” become “We,” one step at a time.

As my days of singlehood draw to a close, I find comfort in the thought that I now have a new home in her — a place where my hopes and fears, my best days and worst, all have a place to rest.

All paths lead nowhere but home.