Honoring love through faith and tradition

A vending machine for flowers? Exactly. On a recent afternoon, my wife and I discovered an odd looking vending machine tucked away in a dark corner of the mall. Surprise! It was indeed one and the sight of it made my wife say, “it’s almost Valentine’s Day…” Subtle? Yes, but a clear reminder!

The 14th of February is a family occasion for us. Cheesy? Why? Because my parents got married on this date. Every year, it is a family thing for us to have dinner on this date. Even with my father gone, we have continued the tradition as a family.

Having a Maranao father but growing up in my (then) Catholic mother’s place in Metro Manila, our way of life was a testament to harmony in diversity. Though married in Islamic rites, my wife and I did not experience the traditional Maranao and Islamic process, the same with my parents. A product of an interfaith marriage, I will endeavor to provide insights on: Do Maranaos celebrate Valentine’s Day? What is the concept of marriage in Maranao culture?

Strictly speaking, Maranaos/other Muslims do not celebrate Valentine’s Day. Likewise, marriages between Maranaos/other Muslims are not always arranged. Filipino Muslims are naturally influenced by Islamic principles on love, relationship, marriage, family and so on. Romantic relations before marriage is discouraged even at present as it may lead to emotional/physical intimacy, a contravention of Islamic beliefs.

In Islam, nikah (marriage) is the proper and blessed framework for a romantic relationship as it provides the structure for family life. Despite seemingly strict impositions, Islam recognizes that attraction/affection between men and women are natural, however, these should be expressed consistent with Islamic guidelines.

Love blossoms in stages. It is the same for Maranaos though with some deviations. Courtship and marriage are not only between the couple but include their respective families. You want to court (kapangilaylay) a Maranao? Communicate this through intermediaries, normally close relatives on either side. If the interest is accepted, the process continues to the kapangakap (courtship), leading to the pamamanhikan.

Eventually, after discussions on the details of the dowry (betang) of the groom, the dialaga (engagement) is scheduled. Compared to its Christian counterpart, the kapangakap and dialaga are more formal and elaborate. Here, terms and conditions of the marriage are agreed upon, including the dowry (monies and/or other items of high value).

Normally present are designated members/elders from each side. The couple may or may not be present. Meanwhile, the bride is prepared physically, emotionally and spiritually with older female family members imparting their knowledge, wisdom and what is expected of a wife. The religious and cultural values of purity, modesty and readiness for marriage are reinforced. The nikah itself is an altogether separate story.

While modern influences exist and, in fact, are sometimes incorporated into the ceremonies, traditions and Islamic principles remain the foundation. For the Filipino Maranao Muslim, the journey from love to family life is not just about romance. Love resulting in marriage is sacred, centered on the family as an institution. Faith, honor and responsibility are the essentials.

On a personal note, while bound by Islamic beliefs and practices, there is love when there is unity in diversity. I am a product of such unity in diversity, my parents having been together for 42 years until death separated them.