How to handle grief and loss during the holiday season

Grief can be especially hard during times that are meant to be joyful, like Christmas and the New Year. Unfortunately, for many of us, experiencing grief and sadness during the holidays is something we have to learn to live with. For me, it's been three years since my mother passed, and I still find acknowledging the holidays — and every special occasion — tough.

During the holiday season, my mother would decorate our house in grand fashion. While my family and I don't celebrate Christmas — we are Muslim — my mother loved making our home festive for the occasion. She would go all out with the decorations, ensuring we had new strings of lights or ribbons to add to her wreaths and garlands.

Every year, she transformed our house with accents of red, green, and gold. Our plastic Christmas tree would be adorned with ornaments she’d collected over the years. When my nephew was born, she became even more excited about the holidays and wanted to decorate our home for him.

For what would turn out to be her last Christmas with us, my sisters ordered a fresh pine tree, and we decorated it exactly how my mother would have — reds, greens, and golds everywhere. Since her passing, we haven’t dared put out Christmas decorations. Maybe out of grief, or laziness, or because it felt too painful.

There are still moments when I find myself tearing up, especially when I’m reminded of my mother and our times together. But here are a few ways I’ve managed to cope with grief and loss, whether during the holidays or on special occasions.

1. Allow yourself to feel your feelings. Grief can bring a mix of emotions. One moment, you’re sad, and then the next, you’re happy and full of holiday cheer. All of these emotions are valid, and there’s space for each of them. It’s important to give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up, without judgment. When emotions are ignored or suppressed, they can build up, and the added stress of the holidays can make them feel even more intense or overwhelming. Give yourself the time and space to acknowledge and express whatever you’re feeling, as it arises. 

2. Write down your feelings or start a grief journal. If you’re struggling to put your emotions into words, try starting a grief journal. Writing can be a safe and cathartic way to process feelings that might be difficult to express out loud. Consider making a list of the feelings that arise when you think about the upcoming holiday or when you anticipate certain events. This can help you better understand your emotional landscape and prepare for how you might respond during the actual occasion.

3. Be kind to yourself and show compassion. It’s okay to admit that you’re struggling. If you feel up to attending a gathering, go. If you feel the opposite, give yourself permission to stay home and take care of yourself. Honor your needs without guilt or pressure to conform to holiday expectations.

4. Take care of your body. Grief can impact your physical health, affecting sleep, appetite, and energy levels. Prioritize self-care by getting enough rest, eating nourishing foods, and staying hydrated. If you’re able, get some gentle exercise and spend time outside to boost your mood. The mind-body connection is strong, and taking care of your physical well-being can support you through your emotional healing.

5. Don’t hesitate to ask for help or support from friends. Personally, this is a difficult one but don’t hesitate to ask for help during the holidays, especially when you're grieving. The season often brings extra tasks — like shopping, decorating, or cooking — that can feel overwhelming. If there’s something important to you but you don’t have the energy to tackle it, reach out to a friend or family member for support. Allowing others to help can lighten your load and give you the space to focus on your emotional well-being.

6. Honor or create traditions. Find a balance between honoring old traditions and creating new ones to remember your loved one. You can keep their memory alive with a simple tradition, like serving their favorite dish or continuing a beloved recipe or ritual. At the same time, be open to adjusting or starting new traditions if carrying on old ones feels too difficult. This blend of remembrance and adaptation can help you navigate the season with a sense of connection to your loved one while allowing room for healing and change.

7. Surround yourself with loved ones while honoring their memory. Being with people who understand your grief and are willing to celebrate the spirit of your loved one can create a safe space for you to express your feelings. Take time to honor their memory in a way that feels meaningful to you, whether through sharing memories, continuing traditions, or creating new rituals. 

8. Don’t rush your grief. Grief doesn’t have a set timeline, and it’s important to allow yourself to feel and process it at your own pace. Recalling happy memories of past holidays with your loved one can be a healthy way to honor them. It’s also okay if tears are part of the season — grief and joy can coexist. Embrace the full range of emotions that come with loss, as living authentically through your grief is part of a rich and meaningful life.

9. Talk to a therapist. When it comes to one’s mental health and seeking therapy, the country still has a long way to go. With that said, do not hesitate to seek one. A therapist can help you navigate your emotions, identify any mental health concerns, and offer tools to support your healing. They provide a safe, non-judgmental space to process your grief and can offer guidance tailored to your unique experience.

Grieving during the holidays can be tough, but it’s also a chance to make the season meaningful in your own way. By acknowledging your grief, setting boundaries, and finding ways to honor your loved ones, you can get through this time with kindness toward yourself.

It’s important to remember that it’s okay to feel both sadness and joy at the same time. The holidays may look different this year, but that doesn’t change the love you have for those you’ve lost. As you move through the season, may you find moments of peace, healing, and hope — taking it one step at a time.