Grief can be especially hard during times that are meant to be joyful, like Christmas and the New Year. Unfortunately, for many of us, experiencing grief and sadness during the holidays is something we have to learn to live with. For me, it's been three years since my mother passed, and I still find acknowledging the holidays — and every special occasion — tough.

During the holiday season, my mother would decorate our house in grand fashion. While my family and I don't celebrate Christmas — we are Muslim — my mother loved making our home festive for the occasion. She would go all out with the decorations, ensuring we had new strings of lights or ribbons to add to her wreaths and garlands.

Every year, she transformed our house with accents of red, green, and gold. Our plastic Christmas tree would be adorned with ornaments she’d collected over the years. When my nephew was born, she became even more excited about the holidays and wanted to decorate our home for him.

For what would turn out to be her last Christmas with us, my sisters ordered a fresh pine tree, and we decorated it exactly how my mother would have — reds, greens, and golds everywhere. Since her passing, we haven’t dared put out Christmas decorations. Maybe out of grief, or laziness, or because it felt too painful.

There are still moments when I find myself tearing up, especially when I’m reminded of my mother and our times together. But here are a few ways I’ve managed to cope with grief and loss, whether during the holidays or on special occasions.

1. Allow yourself to feel your feelings. Grief can bring a mix of emotions. One moment, you’re sad, and then the next, you’re happy and full of holiday cheer. All of these emotions are valid, and there’s space for each of them. It’s important to give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up, without judgment. When emotions are ignored or suppressed, they can build up, and the added stress of the holidays can make them feel even more intense or overwhelming. Give yourself the time and space to acknowledge and express whatever you’re feeling, as it arises. 

2. Write down your feelings or start a grief journal. If you’re struggling to put your emotions into words, try starting a grief journal. Writing can be a safe and cathartic way to process feelings that might be difficult to express out loud. Consider making a list of the feelings that arise when you think about the upcoming holiday or when you anticipate certain events. This can help you better understand your emotional landscape and prepare for how you might respond during the actual occasion.