Women in male fields, but not the good ones

It was 12 midnight on a weekday in December. Aside from the constant late-night KathDen (Kathryn Bernardo and Alden Richards) content, netizens didn’t have the time to digest all the receipts dropped by Anthony Jennings’ ex-girlfriend, Jamela Villanueva.

A series of screenshots from the message exchange between Maris Racal and Anthony Jennings, posted by the latter’s ex, surfaced online. Racal, who broke up with singer-composer Rico Blanco in July this year, denied the involvement of a third party during a press conference, even though speculations about her and love team partner Anthony Jennings’ clandestine romance had been a hot topic since then. Five months later, here we are—the favorite drama genre of Filipinos: an alleged infidelity.

Recently, the trend #WomenInMaleFields trended on TikTok, where women showcase how they combat daily mansplaining and become successful girl bosses in their own right. Cheating, however, is always pinned on men, who hold the most records for hearts broken, body counts, and kings historically listing names of their concubines, while women are seen as the accepting, forgiving humans who should believe in love and second chances.

To clarify, regardless of gender, a cheater is a cheater.

We don’t understand the rationale behind accepting being second best, a spare, a one-call-away companion when the main one is not in sight. Yet, we’ve all heard stories of friends and family somehow tolerating this treatment.

For all the Marites spirit we have in us, over the years, social media has paved the way for faster revelations of ruined relationships through cheating. These come via Facebook groups, anonymous story-sharing threads, tweets on X, or Instagram stories. Regardless of the platform, the betrayal of trust hits hardest. Beyond the challenge of moving on, no one truly gets over the trauma.

So, why do people cheat? Unfortunately, there’s no straight answer. However, psychology offers an overview of the decision-making process that leads to this mistake.

According to a research article by Dr. Martina Paglia, a private clinical psychologist in London, here are some influences on someone's decision to cheat:

The most common reason is sexual needs, viewed as a primal instinct. Oftentimes, cheating partners use the excuse that “it’s just sex” and claim there’s no emotional involvement. This mindset sometimes results in a habitual exchange of sexual partners, with the cheater believing they can keep their main partner because they’re the one they “come home to.” Dr. Paglia also notes, “It could be that their partner is not showing interest in sex or does not fulfill their sexual needs. It could be a purely physical sensation where they are not getting the desired satisfaction from their partner.”

Another reason could stem from upbringing and personality—seeking attention due to a lack of it at home. Once someone gets love from many sources, the mindset becomes: if you have options, why settle? WRONG. This behavior, according to psychology, stems from “a tendency for attention-seeking, and once satisfied with one person, they might move on to another to fulfill their needs and validate themselves. They lack a healthy sense of self-worth, so they keep jumping from one person to another for constant reassurance.”

Dr. Paglia also added, “Some people have power and control issues. Being under an authoritative figure might put them off. So, to even things out and get that feeling of having power and control, they cheat. For them, cheating is a rebellious way of telling others that they still have power and control.”

Of course, apart from psychology, we asked the thoughts of the young bloods of DAILY TRIBUNE online. One jokingly quipped, “Basta wag ka papahuli, hindi malalaman,” highlighting the logic of people who continue the bad deed until caught.

Unanimously, experiencing cheating is the worst kind of betrayal. One staff member shared that she received a phone call from another woman who broke the news that her boyfriend was also hers—and that there were two more women involved. Even her toenail injury at the time confused her about whether the pain was from her foot or her heart.

From the author’s standpoint, being lied to and fooled while believing you’re the only one—even after explicitly discussing that cheating is non-negotiable—is not worth it. This might also be the reason why other single people choose not to proceed with marriage, aside from the looming global inflation. You invest your time loving and preparing a future together, but everything ends up like ashes in the air.

Time, the ultimate truth-teller, has proven that everyone eventually reaps what they sow. Truthfully, we are not living in a perfect world. We can only hope that one day, everyone will think twice before harming others. Until that day comes, let’s keep being kinder to one another and, as they say, “touch yourself na lang.”