Dear Editor,

Listening to Orange and Lemon’s song entitled, “Heaven Knows (This Angel Has Flown),” a week after my father, or Papang as we called him, passed on has helped me, to a certain extent, deal with the grieving process.

Losing a parent is unimaginable, unbelievable and unbearable. As a son, it is one of the things I dreaded the most. It is one thing to lose a grandparent, an uncle, or an aunt but it is absolutely a different thing to lose a father.

With my father gone, it feels like a part of me was taken away. There is an emptiness no one else can fill. Indeed, we have only one father. The saddest part when dealing with the death of a loved one is realizing that he or she is never coming back.

All Souls’ Day has never been this meaningful to me. I only saw it then as a day of rest as a special non-working holiday. Now I fully appreciate its significance.

My father was humble, diligent, intelligent and generous. What set him apart from most fathers I know is that he performed household chores like doing the laundry, cooking, washing the dishes, going to market, etc.

He was so kind to everyone. If I could trade my life for his, I would definitely do it. His seven siblings were lucky to have him as their eldest brother. He supported them financially.

He practiced the noblest profession, dedicating 40 (or more) years of his life to teaching. As his son, I am very proud of that.

My writing style was basically influenced by him although over time I found my own technique. When I was in grade school, since I could not compose a sentence, I asked him for help whenever we had to write an essay.

He was very patient with me, my brother, my sister and our mother. We can never repay all his sacrifices for us. He never failed to drive me to the bus station on Mondays even if it meant he had to wake up very early. I could not have asked for more.

I know that we will never be as happy as we were when he was still alive. Our lives have not been the same without him. Now we have no one to talk to when we need to make major decisions.

For me, he was the perfect father (it hurts me so much to refer to him in the past tense).

I regret not asking for forgiveness for all my shortcomings, for raising my voice every time he scattered the extension cord on the floor, for getting mad at him, and for all the things I failed to do for, and to give to, him.

We were not accustomed to hugging each other and saying “I love you,” so this piece is my way of expressing how much I love him. Helping him get out of bed during his last days gave me a chance to hug him, feel his warmth, and smell his scent.

It breaks my heart when I see his empty chair and bed.

I miss him very much. I miss his smile (though he rarely smiled and laughed, which made it all the more precious) and his dad jokes. I miss hearing his opinions and comments on current events and mundane things.

Now I can only see his face, touch his hand, and hear his voice in my dreams, so I will sleep more to make believe he is not gone, that he is still with us.

Since life can be hectic most of the time, let us take every opportunity to commemorate our deceased loved ones even if it is not the second of November.

Leonard Kristian Mesa Gelacio

San Fermin, Cauayan City, Isabela

leonardkristianmesagelacio@gmail.com