Dealing with loneliness
“Do poor people’s lives revolve around the stomach while rich people’s lives around the heart?
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“Do poor people’s lives revolve around the stomach while rich people’s lives around the heart?
Rita was voted the most popular and the most likely to succeed in her graduating class in high school. Everyone looked up to her and admired her. But deep inside, Rita had a problem no one knew about.
In spite of her popularity, and many friends, she was secretly lonely. When she retired in the evening, loneliness would creep in and descend on her like a ton of bricks. She often cried until she fell asleep.
The next day, up and early, she would bounce around instantly energized for her new busy day. She had a spiritual ailment of being “busy but bored,” doing superficial day-to-day things, until she would retire in the evening completely exhausted and lonely.
She was tempted to see a shrink, but she was too afraid people would discover this. So, she secretly saw a parish priest, an intimate childhood friend, Fr. Jesse. After just one session, Fr. Jesse knew what the problem was.
FR. JESSE: (After Rita explained her predicament) I know a girl who is perfectly happy as a loner. She has only two friends in her life — her pet dog, Patton, and her best friend.
RITA: She must be awfully lonely, having only one human friend.
FR. JESSE: On the contrary, she is happy and at peace. Her secret formula is a “deep relationship.” Those are the magic words. They share both their joys and pains. Their worlds have merged into one. They help and comfort each other through thick and thin.
RITA: That’s all?
FR. JESSE: What else is there in a relationship? Quality not quantity, Rita. You can have a thousand friends and still be lonely because you have no deep friends. Get some good friends, Rita.
So Rita got one, a good-looking boy, a classmate who was an introvert. Many said they weren’t a match. But it worked. Rita noticed she had to give up a lot of other friends to spend time with her new-found boyfriend. That was the way it went. She lost a lot of superficial friends who said she suddenly became snobbish. But in truth, she just needed more time for a deep relationship. Time is always of the essence in relationships.
Why does affluence breed loneliness?
In my travels through Europe and America, I found a lot of lonely people. Ricky was a fantastic Latin jazz guitarist in the Bay Area, adored by many fans. He had four gigs a week in different places, was busy as hell. He lived alone on Broadway and wallowed in alcohol. Like Rita, when he got home, the problem started.
Olga was an executive secretary for the president of a prestigious bank in Stockholm. I met her during her winter vacation in the Canary Islands. We were comparing our pains — me a backpacker, she an assistant to a bank president. She had attempted suicide three times. Why do affluent places breed loneliness and pain? Is there a connection? Do poor people’s lives revolve around the stomach while rich people’s lives around the heart? Read the life story of Olga “A Swedish Princess in Distress” —https://eastwindjournals.com/2021/12/23/a-swedish-princess-in-distress/.
The trilogy of love, pain
and happiness
There are no magic formulas to heal loneliness as much as there are none to bring happiness. There are no rules, except perhaps one, told to me by an Indian guru I met in Amsterdam.
Do not seek happiness, which is elusive. You will only be frustrated. Do not run away from pain, which is inevitable. It will knock on your door persistently. Rather seek love, which brings happiness.
Happiness and pain are mere fruits of love. Pain is bearable if you are in love, and happiness is always there if you are in love.
Finally, the president of Bhutan put it so nicely. In Bhutan, the president declared that life is to be measured not in gross domestic product, but in gross domestic happiness, a return to the spirit in a material world.
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