In a talk that turned sentimental with host and talent manager to the stars Ogie Diaz, actress Claudine Barretto remembered late actor and former lover Rico Yan. Almost two decades since Yan’s death, Barretto found the courage to share her thoughts about the late actor’s death, which she said deeply affected her.

Claudine admitted that she and Rico were live-in partners in November 2001, when there was already a crack in their relationship. This was a few months before Rico’s demise in March 2002.

She also stressed the speculations were not true that she was a battered partner. “Hindi totoo na sinaktan ako ni Rico o naging violent siya (It’s not true that Rico hit me nor that he was violent),” she said.

The actress also shed light to the comments blaming her for contributing to the death of the prominent leading man.

“Baka ‘yun ‘yong pinakamalaking karma ko…Matagal nang binili yung tickets, kasama ko family ko sa Subic (I think maybe that’s my biggest karma…The tickets had been bought a long time ago, and I spent my day with family in Subic),” Claudine said, adding that when Rico called her seven times, she declined and blocked his number.

“Kung ako ‘yung namatay ganoon rin ba ang gagawin n’yo kay Rico (If I had died that day, would you have treated Rico that way)?” she added.

What people don’t know, Claudine continued, is that when they are in a relationship and public scrutiny is rampant, she also invalidates her emotions and blames herself as well.

“During that time na sinasabi nila na kasalanan ko, ang hindi alam ng tao, ako rin, sinisisi ko rin ‘yung sarili ko (During that time when they were pointing their fingers at me, the public didn’t know I also viewed myself the same and I blamed myself, too),” Claudine said.

“Sana mas maging compassionate or understanding ‘yung tao, kasi kung pina-punish niyo ako, pina-punish ko rin ‘yung sarili ko. Kung galit kayo sa akin, mas galit ako sa sarili ko (I hope everyone would be compassionate or understanding. I also felt bad about what and if you blamed me for that, I blamed myself more).”

Claudine said it was the last time she would be speaking about the late matinee actor and their personal stuff.