Have you ever taken a joyride down the lane of absurdity?

Imagine you’re cruising down a major road, wind in your hair, and suddenly, out of nowhere, an e-trike or pedicab appears, chugging along at a snail’s pace.

It’s like a slow-motion scene from a slapstick comedy, except it’s not so funny when you’re stuck behind one on the highway. So, why on earth should these glorified tricycles be banned from our pristine thoroughfares? Let us count the ways.

First off, let’s talk about speed. Or rather, the lack thereof. These e-trikes and pedicabs are the tortoises of the road, inching along at speeds that would make a sloth look like Usain Bolt.

National highways or major roads are meant for zooming, not leisurely Sunday strolls. When these sluggish vehicles clog the fast lane, it’s like putting a speed bump in the middle of a Formula 1 track. It’s not just inconvenient; it’s a downright hazard.

Then there’s the matter of safety. Picture yourself hurtling down the highway at a decent clip, minding your own business, when suddenly you spot a decrepit tricycle swerving erratically ahead. Panic sets in. Will it veer into your lane? Will it spontaneously combust? Who knows?

The unpredictability of these glorified three-wheeled vehicles is enough to give any seasoned driver heart palpitations. And don’t even get me started on their lack of protective measures. Seatbelts? Airbags? Nah, who needs ‘em? It’s every man for himself in the wild world of e-trikes and pedicabs.

Let’s not forget about the environmental impact or lack thereof. Sure, e-trikes might sound all futuristic and eco-friendly, but let’s be real: they’re about as green as a neon traffic light.

Most of these electric contraptions are powered by batteries that are about as environmentally friendly as a diesel-spewing smokestack. And as for tricycles, well, let’s just say they’re not exactly setting the bar high in terms of emissions. So much for saving the planet, huh?

But perhaps the most egregious offense of e-trikes and pedicabs is their sheer audacity. Who do they think they are, gallivanting down the highway like they own the place? Last time I checked, highways were reserved for cars, trucks, and the occasional wayward deer. Not for glorified bicycles with delusions of grandeur.

It’s time we put these three-wheeled terrors back in their place — preferably on a quiet, scenic route far, far away from our precious highways.

For all intents and purposes, e-trikes and pedicabs have no business cluttering our national highways. They’re slow, unsafe, environmentally dubious, and, worst of all, downright audacious.

Let’s banish them from our highways once and for all. Let them roam free on the back roads and byways, where they can putter along to their hearts’ content without causing a nuisance to the rest of us.

As for the highways, well, they’re meant for speed demons and road warriors — not for glorified tricycles with a penchant for causing chaos.

e-mail: mannyangeles27@gmail.com