Santa’s trip to town: An immigration conundrum

"You better watch out, you better not cry

You better not pout, I'm telling you why

Santa Claus is coming to town."

Yes, this song is one of the most played and belted-out Christmas carols on the planet.

Be it in Europe or Asia, Africa or Antarctica, America or Russia, the young or old, rich or poor, black or white, he or she, they or them, Buddhist or Baptist, MAGA or Antifa, this melodious ode to the jolly old St. Nicolas has always been a runaway favorite.

But how could St. Nick come to town without a visa?

Or, as the lyrics of an equally famous Yuletide song about a red-nosed caribou seem to insinuate, how does Santa manage to globetrot freely on a reindeer-drawn carriage without any type of travel document?

And just to be clear, even a visa waiver argument will not fly — pardon the pun — because to avail of a visa-free privilege, the traveler must possess, at a minimum, a valid passport or travel ID.

In all of Santa's journeys, however, there is no mention at all of a North Pole passport, let alone a travel ID, tucked inside Santa's pocket or the glove compartment.

So, how does Santa travel around the globe during Christmas Eve without a passport or a visa?

As they say, a conundrum that evokes easy answers is no conundrum at all. But try our best to solve the mystery we will, per Master Yoda's sage advice, and alas, after a brief communion with The Force, the first thing that comes to mind is the elfish magic in Santa's pocket.

Thus, what if Santa could, and does, in fact, harness the magical prowess of his elvish underlings to generate an electronic invisibility shield around his airborne transport to bamboozle the border detection system of every country along his aerial journey's path?

In this scenario, Santa would appear invisible to every border detection system in existence and, thus, could get in and out of any territory undetected.

But here's another explanation: What if a top-secret agreement exists between Santa and the United Nations that allows St. Nick unhampered access to every nook and cranny of the globe on Christmas Eve?

Under this scenario, each country's border authorities would voluntarily shut down their aerial detection system every 24th of December to allow airspace intrusion by a fast-moving sleigh, drawn by airborne caribous and helmed by a white-bearded fellow from the North Pole, bellowing a thunderous "Ho ho ho" fortissimo across the nighttime sky.

For countries with no sophisticated aerial warning systems, however, all that its inhabitants could do is gawk at the surprise nocturnal spectacle gracing their otherwise tranquil atmosphere while shaking and scratching their heads in wild stupefaction:

How on earth does a brittle-looking flying carriage stand the weight of a 400-pound, behemothic old man surrounded by tons of overflowing cargoes?

(Of course, these people are not privy to the gravity-defying, Krypton-originating levitation technology crafted out of the North Pole factory by a master elf named Elfstein.)

But the most plausible explanation of all, given the farcicality of the previous scenarios, is that Santa is just doing what millions of people can pull off with alarming impunity nowadays: crossing the border illegally and running off (or flying out) as quickly as possible to avoid being apprehended and deported.

Fortunately for St. Nick and all the behaving kids out there, Santa's turbo-charged, caribou-powered winter chariot is superbly souped up to give the pursuing border patrol aircrafts a run for their money and bring everyone a very…

Merry Christmas.