Please invade us properly

Let’s concede something straight away: the AFP is no match for China’s military.

Now why the hell do they keep talking to us?

For a country that could crush the Philippines, China spends an extraordinary amount of time trying to convince Filipinos of things.

They issue statements; they complain about our statements. They complained when we complained about their complaints the last time we corresponded.

Just invade us already.

We know. You’re not stupid! Very annoying, but not stupid!

Look at Afghanistan. America went in, 2001. Biggest military in the world! The Taliban government? Gone! Two months! Very fast. War over, right?

Wrong! That was Iraq.

The US stayed in Kabul another 20 years. Spent trillions. A whole nation-building project. Trained an entire Afghan army. Bought them very expensive helicopters.

Twenty years of that, then America left. Guess who came back?

The Taliban!

The same guys! Back in Kabul, running the country. The government America spent billions propping up collapsed, and the Taliban got the palace. Lovely building. Fully furnished!

Now, Ambassador Jing, tell us again how many warships China has.

Maybe Beijing should try that with the Philippines. None of this half-assed business. Go ahead! But invade us properly.

Build the railways, the airports, finish the flood control projects. Give us hospitals where people don’t have to bring their own electric fans. Stay 20 years. Spend trillions of hardworking Chinese money to make the whole Philippines beautiful.

And then, when everything works, Sara Duterte will come back and take over. Just like the Taliban!

But why send an army when we have elections?

Every six years! We elect a new president who explains why the previous president was an idiot. One loved China; the next loved America. The next one might love China again.

Meanwhile, China doesn’t have to change its position every six years.

China only has to wait for us to elect somebody willing to give it what a war would cost billions to take.

So why destroy something you would rather influence, make patriotism look partisan?

Look at our voters. A Filipino fisherman gets chased away from his fishing grounds by a Chinese vessel. Terrible! But before we can decide whether to defend him, we need to ask: who did this fisherman vote for? Bongbong? Sara? Is he pink?

Forget the Chinese ship at Ayungin. We’ve got a Filipino to destroy!

That’s why Beijing needs an ambassador. The warships can chase our fishermen away; somebody still has to convince us that staying away is a wonderful idea.

Ambassador Jing Quan reminds us that China is very powerful; eventually somebody in Manila starts talking about being realistic.

Realistic means China is bigger, therefore we should stop arguing, complaining, going where China doesn’t want us. Imagine that. We celebrate Independence Day every 12th of June, then spend the rest of the year worrying about what Beijing will allow.

Eventually somebody says, “Maybe we should make a deal.”

If you take something by force, everybody calls you a bully. Terrible publicity! But if the other fellow signs it over, suddenly it’s a historic agreement. Everybody wins! Especially the fellow who gets the goods.

If Beijing keeps defending its diplomats instead of correcting them, why shouldn’t Filipinos conclude that this is exactly how Beijing wants its ambassadors to behave?

“We can beat you easily but we want peace.”

Maybe we should get the message. That China doesn’t need us to believe it owns the sea. It needs us to believe we cannot do anything about it.

It only has to wait until we start calling surrender peace.