Safe for babies, too!

Balde or bucket water is safe even for babies, the government says.

We are a fascinating country. We have an entire government agency that checks whether TV programs are suitable for children.

A child might see people kissing on TV: “Cover the eyes!” A child might hear a bad word: “Cover the ears.” A child is made to drink gutter water: “Cover the nose.”

Your baby is three days old, can’t even say his first word — we suspect it won’t be “delicious” — but welcome to the Philippines. That’s your first taste of government.

But the President drank the water himself! So what’s the big deal? You’re saying your baby needs more protection than the President of the Republic?

Government officials are drinking it, too! DSWD disaster bureau director Maria Lanada took a sip and said it was delicious.

Delicious! Love the enthusiasm. Like it’s a mango shake. Give this woman a glass of tap water and she’d ask to meet the chef.

She wasn’t even drinking rainwater the government is asking us to drink. For the demo, they took Nawasa, threw in some dirt, then ran it through a filter.

Personally, we would have asked for the original water. Before they put the dirt in it. We’re old-fashioned that way.

But perhaps we’re missing the genius.

We have a government capable of taking perfectly good water and creating a problem. Then they solve the problem. This is impressive because the water was clean before the government got involved.

“Collect rainwater!”

For years, the government has been telling Filipinos, “Don’t let water collect! Empty the containers! Mosquitoes breed in standing water!”

Now dengue must be thrilled. It never had this kind of government support.

And consider the journey of that rainwater.

The roof has been baking under the sun for years. Neighbor cats may have relieved themselves on it. Rats, birds, cockroaches. Then the rain gently gathers these blessings into a single nourishing stream.

Now some troublesome pediatrician with no poetry in her soul might point out that babies under six months shouldn’t be given any water and that preparing infant formula requires special care.

Doctors! Always finding problems. But did those MDs drink the water on TV? No! The President did! And he’s still standing!

When push comes to shove, the rich, naturally, will continue to buy Wilkins. We must respect their freedom of choice. The poor shall enjoy freedom of faith. We are building a nation of believers.

Because, imagine, everybody’s attacking the government over the balde. Very unfair. Very ignorant of history. The Victorians collected rainwater, too! People from 18-kopong-kopong!

They didn’t have all these expensive modern water systems. They had cisterns. Horse manure everywhere. Typhoid. Very traditional.

They also shat in chamber pots. Fine porcelain, we must add; lovely floral designs. You wake up in the morning, there’s your bed, there’s your toilet. Everything within reach. And somebody had to carry the contents downstairs. Imagine the employment opportunities.

Queen Victoria ruled for 63 years. Nobody complained about the pots. Well, some people complained. Mostly the ones dying of cholera.

They also performed surgery without modern anesthesia. We look forward to the government’s next suggestion.

We had 150 years to improve on the Victorians. And we did! We used to dream of “going to space.” Now we’re trying to put water in a balde.