6 spokesmen for 1 problem

Bongbong has appointed his sixth communications secretary.

Sixth! He’s had more communications chiefs than some Filipinos have had salary increases since he became President. Of course, Lino Cayetano, the new guy, won’t be putting that in a press release.

Six people. To explain one man. Maybe the seventh should try explaining the country to Bongbong.

Because the President has a credibility problem that Malacañang keeps trying to solve as a publicity problem. He says something, public gets angry, then comms secretary has to explain what Bongbong meant. The public gets angrier. Bongbong gets another secretary.

The Palace should have given each secretary a helmet. Because eventually they’d be thrown under the bus.

Now what, specifically, did Dave Gomez, and the four former comms people, fail to do that Lino has been hired to do?

Cayetano is a former TV director. PTV general manager. Knows how to make a bad scene look good. Unfortunately, he can’t tell the audience to stop living in it.

Have you ever watched PTV? Wonderful television. A government official visits a poultry farm, picks up an egg, stares at the egg, nods, everybody applauds.

What did he do? Nothing! The chicken did all the work!

Everybody’s happy. The farmers are smiling. The officials. Nobody’s ever having a bad day.

A scandal breaks and the big news is that the President is concerned. Very concerned! Thank God! Thought he’d be delighted.

Then they wonder why people get their news elsewhere?

“Fake news! “Misinformation!” “Disinformation!” What fake news?

You think people need Facebook to tell them they’re poor? They go to the market. They know. They buy rice. They know. They pay the electric bill. Believe us, they know.

Their houses are flooding. Is that fake news? Is somebody spreading propaganda through the pipes?

Lino’s worked with actors. He knows when to shout “Cut!” Maybe somebody should tell him to shout “Action!” at the President.

Now Lino’s first headache may be a balde. How do you sell this as presidential wisdom?

Because people are laughing at the President, and what are you going to do about it, Lino? Explain how a balde works?

It’s a balde, Secretary Cayetano. It doesn’t lie or promise anything; you fill it, it holds water. It has a handle. It can handle things. It works even if the President doesn’t say anything.

And if the bucket leaks, should we replace the bucket or appoint somebody to explain the hole?

A balde and a filter are not ordinarily the sort of things one expects to hear about from the President of a country with a national budget in the trillions.

You expect a President to talk about dams, reservoirs, water systems. Big things.

Try, Lino. Your electricity goes out and the power company tells you to buy candles. Candles work! We know candles. But you’re still going to ask what happened to the electricity.

And if the power company announces that it’s distributing matches, that’s like driving on a road full of potholes and telling people to drive carefully. Excellent advice!

But if we’re paying taxes, why does every problem get an explanation when what we paid for was a solution?

But what if the balde is the most honest thing Bongbong has ever announced?

Remember when he said, “Ganito na talaga [tayo]”? (That’s how we really are).

That’s what a poor man says when his roof leaks and he can’t afford to fix it. He puts a balde underneath it. He knows it won’t repair the roof. But what else can he do?

The President and the poor man have arrived at the same solution. Six communications secretaries. Six people trying to find the right words for one man.

Yet, somehow, the people are still being told to help themselves.