‘BRP Tarriela’ — Make it happen!

So China donated a ship to help the Philippines patrol against China.

Well, the other China did. Thank you, Taiwan (officially, Republic of China).

So if Taiwan belongs to the big China, and Taiwan gave us the ship, didn’t China give us the ship? Awkward.

Well, technically, Taiwan didn’t donate it to us. A foundation did. Very important. We must not give Taiwan credit for something it didn’t really do.

The retired Taiwan Coast Guard patrol vessel “Kinmen” was transferred through the We Protect Our Seas Foundation and has joined the Philippine Coast Guard as the BRP Sarangani.

The transfer had to be handled carefully because of our One China policy.

The trouble is both Chinas recognize only themselves. And somehow we’re the ones who have to explain?

So China can blast our ships with water cannons, but Taiwan gets accused of giving us one, and suddenly Taiwan is the one we have to be careful about.

Maybe Taiwan should have sent us water cannons instead. We seem to have fewer diplomatic objections to those.

Anyway, the BRP Sarangani. We should rename it the “BRP Tarriela.”

“BRP Tarriela” has a magnificent ring to it. Unnecessarily confrontational; the name you’d want appearing on a Chinese radar screen.

If we name it after Jay Tarriela, we honor a very specific Philippine habit: refusing to shut up when a much bigger country would greatly prefer that we did.

That is exactly the personality you want in a Coast Guard ship.

Tarriela has spent so long doing with Facebook what Coast Guard ships are built to do with a hull. If Beijing already considers the man irritating, imagine the deterrent value of making him 61 meters long.

Better yet, name the lifeboats Tarriela too. Sink the big Tarriela and a dozen smaller Tarrielas come floating out. China now has a worse problem than before, and nobody knows how to get rid of them.

Although I have to say it. I looked at Tarriela too long and now I cannot unsee Aiza Seguerra.

You look at him once, Rear Admiral Jay Tarriela. Twice, still Tarriela. Third time? “Pagdating ng Panahon.”

Come on, Jay. Let’s go! Say it. “BRP Tarriela.”

Don’t ignore me, Jay. China doesn’t. China reads your stuff.

Hey, Jay! Know who’s thinking about you right now? China. Hehehehehe. “China and Jay. Sitting in a tree. A-R-G-U-I-N-G.”

It’s perfectly clear: the Philippine government recognizes the People’s Republic of China in Beijing, not the Republic of China in Taipei.

Except Taiwan has its own president, military, passport, currency, Coast Guard. Very impressive. They have everything. They have elections.

Now Taiwan wants to open another representative office in the Philippines. In Cebu. China doesn’t like that.

Taiwan already has an office in Makati. Teco. It handles visas, authenticates documents, helps travelers. Very embassy-like activities.

But not an embassy. Never an embassy. Very important.

It’s an office. An office that does embassy things. Staffed by people who do diplomatic things. Representing a government we don’t officially recognize.

The world is a strange place.

You can have a country without recognition, an embassy without the name and a ship without admitting who gave it to you. But God forbid you have two Chinas.