Support not dependent on access

The shocking interview of a former child actor about his past relationship with an actress and now with their son triggered strong reactions online.

In that interview, the actor revealed, among other things, that he has not seen his son since 2017 and that the last time he gave financial support for the child was also in 2017.

The father explained it was difficult to see his son because they no longer lived under the same roof. He claimed he had repeatedly tried to reach out to the child’s mother but received no response. He also said that while he has set aside some money for his son, he does not understand why he should provide support when he was not seeing him.

The actor’s admissions raise a question that goes beyond the personal issues between the parents involved. Does a parent’s obligation to support a child depend on that parent’s ability to see the child?

Family disputes are rarely as simple as they appear to be from the outside. There may be difficulties or disagreements over communication, custody, visitation, the presence of in-laws, and other circumstances unknown to the public. We should therefore be careful lest we turn a private family matter into a public trial.

But one principle must remain clear: when relationships between adults break down, the rights and welfare of the child must not be lost in the conflict.

Under Philippine law, parents are obligated to support their children, whether legitimate or illegitimate. Support is not an act of generosity dependent on the relationship between the parents. It is a responsibility arising from parenthood and is a right that firmly belongs to the child.

This is why we must distinguish access from support.

A parent may face difficulties seeing their child. Disputes involving custody, visitation, and communication may require dialogue, mediation, or appropriate legal remedies. But the inability of a parent to see a child does not, by itself, erase the child’s need or right to support.

Simply put, support is not a payment, or in exchange for, or a pre-condition to access to the child.

A father supports his child not because he is guaranteed visitation, but because he is the child’s father. At the same time, support must never be withheld or used as leverage in disputes over access.

This is particularly important for children born outside marriage. Children do not choose the circumstances of their birth. Whether legitimate or illegitimate, every child deserves care, protection, and support.

And support is more than money. Nor mere access to the child. It covers life’s necessities, including food, shelter, clothing, education, healthcare, and other essential needs. Beyond financial support, children also need the presence, guidance and the assurance that they are loved and remain loved and valued.

Then the better question to ask is not who is to blame for the breakdown of the parents’ relationship, but what does the child need — and what can each parent do to provide it?

A relationship between two adults may end. But the responsibility created by parenthood does not.

When parental relationships end, parenthood continues. And whenever adults disagree, the child must never become collateral damage.