Is it necessary?

“Whether the statement is true or not is beside the point. Is it really necessary to rub it in people’s faces?

I had placed my order at a food truck some months back in country Victoria, Australia. I was one of only two customers at the time, which was not unusual, as I arrived at this particular Multicultural Youth Festival at an off-peak time. The event was close to wrapping up for the day. While waiting for my order, I looked at the inner wall of the food truck and read some of the writings there. They looked haphazardly written with a permanent marker. I lingered longer at one such writing: “Think of these three things before you speak… Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it polite?”

The essence of these questions is familiar, but I thought it was a good reminder, one that we all need to be mindful of every now and then.

Another reason why I found such words so familiar is because the first query is similar to that of the first of Rotary International’s Four-Way Test. I have been surrounded by Rotarians my whole life and have had a substantial amount of road trips where, aside from a city’s welcome sign, I also read the Four-Way Test sign which Rotary clubs around the world diligently put up at city boundaries. The car I am in usually whizzes past these signs that, naturally, it is the first on the list which has become most familiar to me — “Is it the truth?”

How often have you been in unique possession of a truth? Something perhaps confidential but you know for sure is the truth. Do you share the information for the sheer novelty of imparting something very few people know of? Do you stop and think if it is necessary to share that story? Do you consider if what you are about to say is polite? I would like to think that more often than not, most people I know do think things through before they speak. Most, but not all.

If you have ever been a balikbayan (come to think of it, even if you have never set foot outside the Philippines!) chances are that at some stage in your life, someone has said to you, “Tumaba ka! (You’ve gained weight!),” or “Sobrang payat mo! (You’re too skinny!)” Both delivered so tactlessly you would think it was a sin to either gain or lose a bit of weight. Whether the statement is true or not is beside the point. Is it really necessary to rub it in people’s faces? I am sure it cannot be described as a polite thing to say. Strange how some people just do not get how rude their comments are.

I am quite certain that I am not alone in observing the prevalence of so-called truths or comments posted over social media which are completely unnecessary and brutally impolite. It saddens me to see this kind of unethical, to say the least, name-calling, shaming and mudslinging in viral posts and threads. Observing personalities whom we expect to speak as role models take on the same negative tone is disheartening.

However, we should not underestimate our unique ability as individuals to decide how we converse with everyone else. We all have our little circle of influence — the important stakeholders in our respective lives, those nearest and dearest to us. This is where I hope to share these simple and wise words I recently got reacquainted with in an unassuming yet hip food truck.

“Think of these three things before you speak: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it polite?”