SAD is the new happy

IT is okay to be single as long as you love yourself this Valentine’s season, says motivational speaker Toni Miranda.

For some people, Valentine’s is a day of romance. Everyone who is happily in love will roam the streets of the cities hand in hand, dining out and sealing the night with a kiss. And then there are those who know Valentine’s Day as Single Awareness Day aka SAD. They’re not big fans of the day because they are either forlorn or bitter.

Perhaps it is time to look at this so-called holiday of love in a different light. Instead of romantic love, why not also self-love?

Most people associate love with romance and selfless acts. If you truly love a person, you will give them your all. But here’s a thought: how sure are you that you have that all?

Before you love others, it is important that you love yourself first. This isn’t about being a narcissist; it’s about prioritizing your basic physical and emotional needs before you prioritize the needs of others. As much as we’d like to think we are good on our own, there is always room for improvement.

Loving yourself is also a form of personal encouragement. Some people are incapable of loving others because their low self-esteem interferes with how they handle a relationship (psychology says so). They think they are unworthy of receiving love from good people. As a result, they tend to become less optimistic about the relationship, causing them to expect rejection and always monitor their partner’s behavior to see signs of it.

“Love yourself!” might sound like an easy advice. Unfortunately, it’s easier said than done.

Why do others find it so difficult to love themselves?

Some people just don’t have faith in themselves. Their low self-esteem results in a few personal beliefs that hinder them from achieving their full potential. Beliefs such as “You’ll never be good enough” or “You will always fall short” discourage them from stepping out of their comfort zones and discovering other things about themselves.

Some people rarely receive affirmation for their talents, skills and good deeds. Their family, friends and other loved ones don’t validate their efforts as often as they like. As a result, they think they will never meet anyone’s standards, including their own.

A person’s environment while growing up has a big impact on how they view themselves. A child’s self-esteem starts with the parents. People who grew up with parents who constantly shower them with affection and affirmation tend to be more confident compared to those who didn’t. Children absorb their parents’ reactions, so those who grow up in a critical environment might think lowly of themselves.

In some cases, people grow up with families that are not loving or expressive. Hugs and kisses are strange to them since their immediate family wasn’t physically affectionate. As a result, they might have a hard time becoming expressive.

It’s only natural to doubt yourself every once in a while. But if it keeps you from loving yourself, it can be dangerous.

First, you’ll never learn to appreciate yourself. Failure to accept your pros and cons will always bring you down, which leads to you putting others down — others being your family, friends and significant other. Remember: the people around you are affected by your mood.

Depression due to lack of self-love can also affect the people around you negatively.

Everyone needs love and you probably have that tendency to focus your energy on loving others. But where does your love come from? It comes not from a significant other, but from you.

You must have something to fuel your life with love without relying on other people to do it for you. This is where self-love comes in — it will not only help you fill those gaps other people may leave, but also give you greater life satisfaction, better mental health and reduction in stress.

One of the best ways to love yourself is to invest in your spiritual growth. Let the Lord lead you to the right people who can help you mature in His Word and path. Apart from the regular Sunday worship services, attend regular Bible studies or support groups. The latter is important because it always helps to gain insight from people who are going through similar struggles as yours.

Invest in your personal growth. Do you know what you’re good at? If you do not know yet, it’s time to start discovering. Learn more about your talents and harness them all. List down what you think your strengths are and take personal growth courses. It’s important to know your passion and how you plan on achieving it. Once you determine your talents, attend personal growth courses.

Invest in your appearance. Everyone is beautiful inside in and out. Nothing in you is a mistake. That is our starting point. Still, you need to take care of yourself physically so you can be more confident in who you are. I don’t recommend copying somebody else’s style. Instead, discover your personal style.

This Valentine’s season, it’s okay to show love to others, but don’t forget to show love to yourself first. But don’t stop there. Appreciate who you are as often as you can.

Toni Miranda is a world-certified image strategist, executive coach and motivational speaker with over 20 years of experience in the corporate world and retail industry. She has certifications from the prestigious London Image Institute, the Academy of Image Mastery (Singapore) and Illustra Business School (USA). Her area of expertise is strengthening the impact of leadership, improving the customer experience and increasing profitability through The Power of Brand Image and Executive Presence, Work Ethics and Professionalism and Transformation Inside and Out. She currently holds an International Certification of Certified Image Consultant from the Association of Image Consultants International. She also maintains a lifestyle blog, Toni.ph. She is a joyful wife and a fulfilled mother of two adults.