Random coaching thoughts

The path to becoming a coach, to my mind, provides an interesting take on human psychology. I am no psychologist, of course, so please treat this piece for what it is, just a random collection of thoughts of a newly minted professional coach.

Why do I say coaching is intertwined with psychology? The dictionary defines psychology, as we commonly know it, as the “study of mind and behavior in relation to a particular field of knowledge or activity.” Based on my various hands-on learnings, observations and readings, the mindset and consequent behavior of people is without a doubt the focus of a coach’s task in guiding a coachee’s journey to a self-realization and hopefully the attainment of his goal whether it be a professional or personal aspiration.

And what are some of these coaching situations where a person’s mindset and behavior are at play? In the book Quiet Leadership by David Rock, there are a few principles that are useful for a new coach to take note of.

Listening for potential. Beyond the introductory getting-to-know you, all coaching sessions start with a question to the coachee – what would you like to accomplish in this coaching engagement? Such a question seems quite straightforward to respond to. However, what is crucial for a coach to remember is the how or in some instances the how not to of listening to the response.

What do I mean? All of us, without exceptions, tend to listen to a response based on our preexisting, engraved “filters” that are already hard-wired in our brains. In his book, Rock espouses that “Filters are the unconscious mental frames through which we see, the sum of our assumptions, expectations, predictions and decisions about anything.”

So, for example, when a coach also happens to be a doctor, the brain process in the doctor’s mind will naturally skew towards a concern for the coachee’s medical condition. If the coach is an investment banker, such as myself, my experiential reflex from years of being an investment banker kicks in and I would tend to associate the coachee’s concern from a professional perspective, such as a need for a successful conclusion of a financially rewarding business situation, a recognition and public acclamation of peers or a reward from the boss like a long-awaited promotion.

In other words, we tend to make the world fit into the way we see it.

There is nothing wrong however with filters as these naturally form part of any person and is there to help us process how to proceed efficiently. When our predispositions hit their mark, then certainly a prior impression, such as in an internal coaching situation, expedites the process.

However, if our filters mislead us because of our natural predispositions and the assumptions prove to be not relevant, we might find ourselves force-fitting an agenda on our coachees rather than helping them all they could be to achieve their full potential. We can avoid this by choosing to listen without any agenda on the premise that all of us have the innate ability to resolve our unique concerns to enable us to attain our full potential.

Clearly an important mantra for any coach is to always listen with a heightened level of sensitivity and to ferret out the coachee’s true needs and potential to resolve on his own the dilemma. Couple this with an acute awareness of one’s predisposition to ensure that an open mind is maintained during the coaching engagement. For example, listening for potential is to ask the coachee – How can I best help you think this through, or, what does your gut tell you how to proceed with this issue?

Another coaching principle to be aware of is to Not get lost in the details.

Sometimes in an effort to fully explain the nuances of what the issue of the coachee is all about, there could be a tendency to go into the minutiae of details during the discussion. So much so that the objective of setting a clear goal to address the problem is lost. In those instances, the coach should reset the discussion, step back at a distance and steer the conversation again to the bottom line: what is the desired outcome of the coaching session? When do we know if we are getting lost in the details?

There are signals or clues that a coach can detect when a conversation is getting mired in the details. An obvious indicator is when the pre-agreed length of time to be spent, say an hour, has already almost elapsed and the conversation has not yet focused on the desired goals.

Another signal is when the coachee – or for that matter even the coach – starts using long words and relates trivia that are not germane to the task at hand. When it’s the coach who is remiss, an obvious clue is when the coachee tunes out of the conversation and starts looking at his watch.

It is always a good idea for a coach to be succinct and straight to the point. This avoids a miscommunication of thoughts and enables a clearer focus on the message. More importantly, shorter sentences facilitate an easier understanding and allows the coachee more time to process the words. There are, of course, other coaching principles to consider and random thoughts to share in succeeding articles. Until then… one big fight!