Are we oversharenting?

I used to publish a personal blog called Hypermom. Since it was mostly about my adventures in parenting, I would, every so often, talk about my children. I remember being very cautious about what I share about them. I always asked myself then: “Am I invading their privacy?” “Would they get mad at me when they’re older and they read my entries?” “How much do I want to share?”

Here’s a truth: Parenting is not easy. And sometimes, you need to see someone else having as hard a time of it as you are to appreciate the complexity of it all

I eventually made the blog private. I wasn’t prepared to share too much of our lives.

I’m just an old fart, I guess, because everywhere I look these days, a lot of parents are doing a lot of “sharenting,” and in some cases, even a bit of “oversharenting.”

Okay, so “sharenting” is online sharing about parenting, which is quite natural. I mean, if I’m sharing what I’m having for lunch on a Tuesday, why couldn’t I share a cute video of my kid dancing or making funny faces? If my child snagged the top prize at the science fair, why shouldn’t I be able to brag about it, and say how absolutely proud I am as a parent?

But more than humble brags and laugh out loud moments, sharenting allows us to reach out to other parents who maybe experiencing the very same things as we are.

Above all, we must consider the overall effect of sharenting, more so oversharenting, on our children’s psychological development. AFP Here’s a truth: Parenting is not easy. And sometimes, you need to see someone else having as hard a time of it as you are to appreciate the complexity of it all, and to say to yourself, “Hey, I’m not doing such a shitty job of it after all.”

But then again, there is sharenting, and there is oversharenting.

Michele Alignay, Ph.D., registered psychologist and registered guidance counselor, says, “Many parents today, especially the millennial parents, tend to overshare the ins and outs of their family lives, especially that of their children. In this age, many children appear just to be seen, but not heard. They cannot have a say yet as to what their parents are doing online, by sharing too much about them.”

This is the first generation of children who are growing up in the limelight, as it were.

Before the age of social media, you would have to be quite determined and resourceful to find a childhood photo of someone you know. Now, faded shots of years past are readily available online. Even if you haven’t shared any of your adolescent photos but your friends have, well that’s it! You’re done!

So just imagine how it is with children these days. They already have a trail of digital footprint before they’re old enough to read because of what their parents share about them.

Dr. Alignay says that in all probability, children may view this as the norm.

“Why? Because they are growing up where social networking and media sharing platforms are the usual engagements of their parents. It is the time when everything children do are documented through videos and snaps, then these are shared in stories by their parents. These kids are becoming conditioned to a life that whatever they do, parents document and share. Konting kibot at kembot, naka-share na online,” she says.

But what of Internet kiddie superstars? My generation had its Snooky Serna and Nino Muhlach. However, the attention poured on those two is nothing compared to the adulation given today’s IG babies.

While there have been no direct studies on this generation of online superstar babies, there is bound to be some effect on them as they grow up.

As Dr Alignay explains, “Anything in excess is not healthy. In this case, photos and videos may be readily accessible. Too much of it compromises, primarily, the security of the child and more importantly, his healthy psychological and moral development. More than being part of the usual child development, it has become an intruder in the family system, especially in the normative child development. It is probable that this will affect the child’s identity development. The parents have already curated the looks, image, and identity for their young ones.”

In her paper “Sharenting: Children ‘s Privacy in the Age of Social Media,” Stacey B. Steinberg, Legal Skills Professor of University of Florida Levin College of Law, writes: “When parents share information about their children online, they do so without their children’s consent.

These parents act as both gatekeepers of their children’s personal information and as narrators of their children’s personal stories. This dual role of parents in their children’s online identity gives children little protection as their online identity evolves. A conflict of interests exists as children might one day resent the disclosures made years earlier by their parents.”

I once came across a story about one mom blogger who refused to stop talking about her child, even after her child asked her to stop talking about him. I thought it was sad, but I also thought that perhaps the mom blogger should learn more about privacy laws.

Sharenting is okay, but before we proceed we might want to orient ourselves about the finer points of this emerging phenomenon.

Steinberg offers some suggestions. For starters, we should familiarize ourselves with the privacy policies of the sites where we share stuff. We may also want to set up notifications to alert us when our child’s name appears in a Google search result.

We shouldn’t reveal our children’s location and absolutely avoid sharing any photos showing our children in any state of undress. The Internet is not The Good Place.

We might want to consider sharing anonymously, as well, especially if we want to discuss sensitive issues. Keep in mind that everything we discuss online will eventually be added to our children’s digital footprint.

Steinberg further suggests that children be given veto power over our online disclosures of them, from images and quotes to challenges and accomplishments. After all, we are talking about their lives.

Above all, we must consider the overall effect of sharenting, moreso oversharenting, on our children’s psychological development.

Children model their parents’ behavior. So when we overshare, they are likely to overshare as well. This might create issues for our children once adolescence kicks in.

For her part, Dr. Alignay asks parents to be more discerning about what they share and be more introspective about why they are sharing it. Parents must be able to know whether they are already compromising their child’s developing identity. She says, “Most of us share bits and pieces of our children’s moments and milestones, but we need not share all. We must know best to have a certain sense of discreetness because we only have one shot in giving our children a proper, normal development free from security issues.”

It’s always best to keep in mind that our children are not extensions of ourselves. Those little human beings have rights. And while they are of us, they are not us.