Finding your place in the world

As millennials say, ‘the struggle is real’

Probably one of the best and most memorable things my mother told me while growing up is that every one has a place in this world.

For a teacher like her, it can be the classroom where she taught hundreds of pupils (for 30 years) become the best person they can be. That place can be a remote area for a volunteer who shares her medical knowledge with a marginalized sector. It may even be the kitchen, where a single lady works night and day to perfect her own cupcakes and brownies. Or it can be a small room where a virtual assistant finds happiness in making her clients satisfied with her work.

In a nutshell, to many passionate hearts out there who are doing the things they love, it can be anywhere in the world.

Mama is witness to my endless dreams of becoming a writer. I dreamed of writing for the school paper, clinching a scholarship, landing a job in a daily, and seeing my byline in a magazine. Every plan I make, I always claim it, out loud that the universe conspires, with my parents being the first people to hear it.

They, too, are witness to my struggles. Of being a student journalist slapped with a libel case for releasing a lampoon issue or getting my heartbreak over a relationship doomed to break apart, of my health and my body, and of getting frustrated with work.

I remember mama told us, “You all have a place in this world. In God’s perfect time, you will find it.”

Four years ago, I moved out of my parents’ home. I hopped from one boarding house to another in the city, got gigs, travelled, read, met people, got my heart broken, drank a little, downed hundreds of coffee, and drank alcohol a little more till the wee hours, moved into another relationship, and realized that each day takes me to a clearer picture of what I really want to do. Of the place I really want to be.

But what I can add, throughout my journey after I moved out of my parents’ home, was this—we all have a place in this world. And if you can’t find it, create it. By the will of God, you will realize that the place you have been looking for is right where your heart really is.

And no, that place is not a mere establishment where you clock in, where you log in to your computer, face a dragging mammoth task each day, daydream of your next getaway, and probably sneak in some episodes from Netflix during breaks.

It’s more than a physical setting. For me, it is a state of being happy with where you are. Whether you are by the beach, working or blogging or just traveling. It can be in a zoo looking after neglected animals, a charity house for kids, a tribal community where you set your heart to volunteer English. Or at home working on a freelance job you are passionate about. It can be in a coffee shop or a coworking space with individuals who share the same passion as you. It can be in your own room, in complete silence, while writing a poem or a chapter of your new novel.

My journey to finding that place did not come swift. And, sure, many can relate to this.

For years, I struggled to decide if I should keep my job or quit.

There were instances when I would get frustrated over things I couldn’t accomplish or control. Months would pass and I would feel unhappy — with the system, the lack of creative development and the frustrating feeling of juggling jobs you just can’t juggle in reality.

The thing is, what probably held me back from quitting my job was the stable income. That’s it. And that was not fair for me and the place I worked. Frustrations went into a state of depression, which I thought was just the usual quarter-life crisis until I couldn’t feel anymore. I felt numb. Until I said to myself, “Hey, this is not for you! This isn’t where you can grow old. It isn’t making you happy anymore. And no, you’re not just that spoiled-lazy-millennial they have been talking about. Wake up and dream bigger!”

I started getting interested in other things, in which I see concrete results. These things are the things I can actually control. I am happy doing it. That’s when I realized I wanted to venture on my own.

After three years, with measly savings just enough to suffice me in the next six months, I quit my full-time job.

Someone said it would be difficult outside. It will not be the same, and that the stability I have now will not be the same when I go out. Another said this feeling of being down is just a phase. Maybe once a year, maybe quarterly, but it’s just a phase, and it will pass. In short, stay and just deal with it.

But then again, how on earth will you let yourself get boxed in that feeling over and over again? Why waste time every year, dealing with that kind of uncertainty, drink a couple of bottles of beer, drink and smoke until you forget them, and go back again?

I laid out my plan for myself. I am finally creating the place I want. The place where I know I can be productive. What comes next, I am not sure. I honestly am not the person so certain and sure of life. What I hold on to is the present moment and the volition to just keep going.

And that’s not even quitting. That’s merely realizing that there are battles you have to choose.

Someone once said that opportunities will not come if you do not ask for it. You need to look for it. Do not wait in vain. Set goals and achieve them. Take notes. Meet people. Play that song which makes you alive. Sing with it. Out loud. Hustle if you need to, but never ever step on anyone. And just go.

Struggles will come, we all know that for sure. Challenges will surely find a way to hold us back, but please vow it will not pin you down.

And while you’re at it, appreciate people’s support. Your family. The patience of your mother. The advice of your father. Your sister’s encouraging words. Your brother’s constant bullying that veils a caring, loving heart, wishing you all the best in the world.

Your friends. Their unceasing teases. Their honest comment on your work, your body and the life you choose. And how they become happy when you are happy.

And if you are dating, be fair. Be with a man who will never have to change you for who you are. A man who will give you the freedom to do the things you want, let you decide on things for your own sake (he may give his advice, but in the end, it’s yours that matter), and a man who will never have to question where he is in your heart. A man who knows that you can still grow as a couple, while you both continue growing as individuals.

Have you found your place, my dear? It can be anywhere in the world, just as long as your heart is in it, then you have finally found your place.

Gelyka Dumaraos is a 27-year-old, wild-at-heart wanderer based in Manila. She does freelance content writing for the health and travel niche. When not on the road, she is busy meeting deadlines while spending time with her family. She graduated with a degree in Journalism at University of the East-Manila.