Understanding fathers

Father’s love A father always provides for his children which is what a dad did in giving his child a meal yesterday at the Quezon City Memorial Circle. The nation marks today Father’s Day to honor fathers and celebrate fatherhood. YUMMIE DINGDING Most of us probably grew up with fathers who were not always there. By “not always there,” I do not mean absent because of separation or divorce, but because they were working hard to put a roof over our heads and put all the children through college.

For many generations, that has been the role of the “man of the house” or “head of the family.” He is the main provider, the last word, the one mothers use to get their kids to do as they’re asked.

When all the work is done and the kids have families of their own, that is the mark of success many fathers regard in themselves — not riches nor fame, just a happy family and the kids able to stand on their own two feet.

In the Philippines, this remains very true even with the changes wrought by time.

These days, with the rise of single-parent households and women as income-earners or in positions of power and influence, those labels have become somewhat redundant.

A writer on huffpost talks about “how shifts in technology, marriage, the workplace and parenting in general have led us to interact with our kids today in ways our own parents would hardly recognize.”

As a stay-at-home dad, he says, he spends more time with his kids than his own father did when he was growing up. Back then, his dad worked, came home to dinner, never washed dishes, did laundry for anyone, cook for them nor help them with their homework.

He would work, come home, was usually quiet and one word or a glare could stop you in your tracks. The rare times he was relaxed and funny and “these” were treasured, indeed.

Today, fathers are paying more attention to the upbringing of their kids. Work-life balance is considered more important now, and with technological advances, it is possible now to balance one’s time better.

The American Psychological Association describes: “The modern-day father comes in various forms. Today’s father is no longer always the traditional married breadwinner and disciplinarian in the family. He can be single or married; externally employed or stay-at home; gay or straight; an adoptive or step-parent; and a more than capable caregiver to children facing physical or psychological challenges.

Psychological research across families from all ethnic backgrounds suggests that fathers’ affection and increased family involvement help promote children’s social and emotional development.”

In the Philippines, most fathers, whatever their age and circumstances, are still somewhat carved from the old block. Tradition still plays a big role in how things are done, although perceptions are rapidly changing as the millennial generation starts to become parents themselves.

Millennial fathers, it has been found, tend to be more hands-on. Gen X fathers, meanwhile, having been raised by baby boomers whose post-war angst kept them from being communicative and demonstrative, display a different parenting style. Gen X fathers tend to have friendlier relationships with their kids, if we could call it that, but tinged with the disciplinarian of their own dads’ style.

This Father’s Day, the world honors fathers and father figures, as well as celebrate fatherhood and its influence on society.

While mothers have always been universally upheld for their valuable role, that of a father’s has been mainly unacknowledged.

But their contribution to the lives of children (and therefore society) is more far-reaching than we know.

This is what Francine Shapiro, Ph.D, writes about in her 2012 blog at huffpost: “As psychologists, we are trained to look at how people were raised to help identify the source of their problems. Of course each person is unique, with a particular set of issues and experiences. But the general context is also important — meaning that it often helps to look at when someone was raised. And what recently struck me was how we have a new generation of children being raised by parents who have returned from military combat.

After 10 years of war and counting, how does this stack up against the Baby Boomer generation that came into being just a few years after World War II? More importantly, is there anything we can learn from it?”

Men who experienced war affect children who get “raised by fathers who could not easily communicate, or express love — and perhaps lashed out when they were angry. As is usually the case, children take on the blame for their parents’ “flaws” and think, ‘There must be something wrong with me/I’m not good enough.’ How many baby boomers still carry the wounds even though they are now entering retirement age? Is it any wonder that antidepressants are about as prevalent as aspirin in our culture?” Dr. Shapiro analyzes.

There were wars in the past that molded our fathers, and wars today, from Afghanistan to Marawi, that have molded modern-day parents. Even the terrorist attacks are some kind of war that people today live with. Even the dangers to be found in the Internet is some kind of war we wage every day.

The kind of fathers we have, then, is a product of culture, circumstances and time. He may be the same in style as others, or different just because he is different. We may not always understand him, and sometimes even probably defy him, but we will always love him. Through all the generations of fathers, that is one thing that will never change.

Previous articleJune 17 2018, SundayNext articleKonta in Nottingham semis Dinah S. Ventura