Our former weather bureau, now with the unwieldy name of Philippine Atmospheric, Geophysical and Astronomical Administration (really, they should revert to the old, shorter name), or Pagasa, has predicted hot weather in the days ahead. It’s not just your ordinary, run-of-the-mill summer, mind you, but a true blue heat wave. Temperatures are expected to rise to 50 degrees Celsius come May. Now that is hot. When my first-born and I were in Barcelona in July 2019, the temperature was only 47 degrees, but we actually saw a cyclist collapse from heat stroke practically right before our very eyes. I hope he survived the cycle of life.

With the weather getting weirder globally, we humans must cope, consistent with the first law of evolution: Adapt or die. Fortunately, since we are supposed to be smarter than other species who have died out (some of us, sadly, only marginally so), experts amongst us have given tips on how to survive the scorching weather. From the web and social media — and as a public service — I have compiled a list of the best suggestions:

1. Keep hydrated. Adults must drink eight to ten 300 milliliter glasses of water or other hydrating products a day. But do not drink like you’ve just walked across the Sahara desert; drink slowly, at the rate of around one drop every two minutes. And when coming from the ambient heat of more than 36 degrees, do not drink very cold water; if the water you are drinking has ice, heat the ice to room temperature. This is because rapid ingestion of very cold water when the body is overheated may cause small veins — called capillaries — to explode. Men, please note that our penises are crisscrossed with capillaries. Those veins you DO NOT want to explode. When all else fails, drink ice cold beer. I know some doctors do not recommend it, but these are doctors who do not drink beer. Between those teetotalers and an expert beer drinker like me, who will you believe?
2. Do not shower, or splash cold water on any part of your body, straight from a strenuous activity just so you will cool down. Let your body cool down naturally first by resting for two or three days before taking a shower. A doctor friend of mine treated a person who shoved ice into his rectum because he was feeling hot; he farted a lot and became very dizzy. An ambulance had to be called since his family got poisoned by his toxic fumes.
3. It is important not to heat up or cool down suddenly. Thus, when coming from the heat outside, do not enter an air-conditioned room or car right away. Wait for your body temperature to gradually adjust for a while. To be on the safe side, do not use your air-conditioned car: just walk to the office or ride the jeepney. At least your body will remain constantly warm for the entire trip. I read that someone disregarded this advice by going inside the walk-in freezer because he was feeling so warm; he was accidentally locked in and almost froze to death.
4. Wear light-colored, loose-fitting clothing to allow air to circulate within. Dark-colored clothes absorb more ultraviolet rays and make you feel warmer. For both genders — but especially for females, whose concentration of body fat in certain areas traps heat, less is better, including underwear. Thinner clothes are also cooler. Transparency is a very good policy to adopt, more so when it comes to women’s wear.

If we follow these recommendations, we should all be able to weather (pun intended) the heat wave with nary an adverse effect. The best proposition, however, is that age-old adage (dating back to 15th century Europe) that if you can’t stand the heat, turn the air-conditioner on.