Happy new hare

Master Hans reminds us that the zodiac is but a guide and that we all make our own fortunes.

The Year of the Rabbit is upon us, as Chinese astrology says. I had famed feng shui expert Master Hans Cua as this year’s first guest on my radio show “Yes Yes Yo, Topacio!” over DWIZ 882 AM last 2 January, and he discussed in depth how the Water Rabbit year will be one of hope and success, particularly to those born in the years of the Ox, Tiger and Snake (that’s me). Those who were born in the years of the Monkey and the Rooster, however, will have to work extra hard this year to maintain their good fortune, meaning it’s going to be difficult to be monkeying around, and even harder for Cocks.

Incidentally, Master Hans debunked persistent rumors that he has a brother named BATES, who also wanted to be an expert on the Chinese zodiac, but was discouraged because his brother didn’t want to use the prefix “MASTER.”

Master Hans says that this year’s lucky colors are red, purple, blue and pink. Unfortunately for Leni, whose campaign color was pink, the elections were held last year, and so now she is blue.

Master Hans also said that for Rabbit people, 2023 would be a good time to be having a baby. This is as it should be, for it is no accident that the late Hugh Hefner chose the rabbit to be the mascot of Playboy Magazine: Rabbits are the playboys of the animal world, fornicating so prolifically that they can increase their population exponentially in a matter of weeks. Verily, rabbits seem to get lucky a lot.

My listeners and viewers (we are also on IZTV Channel 23 on free-to-air television) were also informed that a Rabbit year combined with the water element is rare but auspicious as “all the elements in this year are in yin.” Since water nurtures wood, businesses related to the latter — such as agriculture and construction — would have a beneficial year ahead of them. ‘Wood’ you believe that? Endeavors that are in the FIRE zone, however — such as digital technology — might be in for a beating. Most probably, many in these businesses would get FIRED.

But all is not lost for those born in animal years that are considered unlucky. Feng shui, Master Hans tells us, is chock-full of remedies. For instance, one can wear Pi Xiu bracelets or necklaces to balance out their fortunes. You may also place green plants in the so-called Tai Sui direction to counteract bad feng shui. Just make sure they are real plants, or the effect will only be artificial. It is also believed that taking more showers this year will wash away an ill fortune. The last is always good advice no matter what year you were born in, especially if your name is Sarah Elago.

There are even lucky jewelry and crystals prescribed for this year. Amethyst is advised for good health, jade for protection and prosperity, mica for repelling negative energy, and (in the alternative) tourmaline to absorb negative energy. Just don’t let your wife find out that you bought this jewelry for your girlfriend, or your face will definitely absorb the negative energy of her slap. As for crystals, never ever buy crystal meth, which is very unlucky, as you might be killed by someone who hates drugs.

In closing, Master Hans reminds us that the zodiac is but a guide and that we all make our own fortunes. Informative and entertaining, his lecture on feng shui was another very good Hans job.

To all those who listen to, and watch my show, and those who read the Daily Tribune and my column, all the best in the Year of the Rabbit. Fortune indeed is like a genie in a bottle, you just have to RABBIT the right way.


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